


Look After You

by caitliniall



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-06
Updated: 2014-11-05
Packaged: 2018-02-20 04:56:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 27,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2415764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caitliniall/pseuds/caitliniall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Her life was a complete nightmare, she feared going home because of her boyfriend who just couldn't keep his hands off of her-in the worst ways possible. The only place she felt truly safe was at work, but her job brings something new with it, and maybe, the push she needs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

*Caitlin's P.O.V*

          I woke up with sore arms and my face hurt. I looked around the dim lit room, empty, I felt relieved that he wasn't home. I went to the bathroom to look at the damage that was caused last night, nothing too bad-black eye, bloody nose...I opened the drawer under the sink and pulled out my make up bag trying my best to cover up the dark ring around my eye and wipe up the blood. There were bruises up and down my arms, looks like I'm wearing long sleeves, again. It's probably snowing anyways, I looked out the window of my apartment to see snow slowly falling and typical New York traffic. I had plenty of time to get to work, after I finished covering up I went to my closet, changing out of my pajamas that had just a bit of blood on them from my nose. I changed into my usual work clothes, thankful to leave this apartment. I closed and locked the door heading down the stairs while checking my phone, I'd rather just lay in bed all day but that apartment was also home to that demon I call my boyfriend. I was now walking down the street, I slipped my phone back in my pocket on the inside of my jacket. The sound of city traffic filled my ears, I loved the sound I don't know why but it calmed me-it was a lot better then hearing screaming and crying all night long. I walked several blocks, not really caring to get a taxi, I noticed one of the less crowded McDonald's a few streets up, my eyes lit up-hello heaven. I had plenty of time to get coffee and make it to work, the line was long, practically out the door. I waited impatiently, I hated how crammed it was, small spaces always made me feel all pissy. I waited a good 5 minutes before reaching the front of the line, I ordered quickly and stepped to the side after handing over my money, and why'd it take everyone so long to do that? I checked the time, if I walked fast enough I'd be on time, but I really didn't care about making it to work on time, it's not like it'd matter anyways. I grabbed my coffee off the counter and rushed out the door back onto the busy sidewalk, I walked and walked until I reached the last cross walk that I had to make my way across before finally being on the street I needed. I looked up at all the buildings, admiring the snow that was still falling, I held my cup tighter warming my hands even more. The street lights changed then the cross walk was packed with people, horns and loud laughter filled the air, I wish I could be that happy. I didn't really find a reason to laugh or smile anymore, the abuse I received on a daily basis took the joy right out of me. I finally made it to MSG, I walked in feeling the heat rush against my face, making my body tingle from the new temperature change. I waved and faked a smile at my co-workers who said hi. I went to my usual spot with the orchestra, feeling comfort and at peace taking my seat at my piano, the only place I felt like myself, even though it wasn't my usual job it was nice to have a place where I could play anything, write anything, and not be hit for speaking out or doing what I wanted to.  

          Work went by rather quickly, rehearsal went smoothly but I couldn't get over how fast my day had gone by. It felt nice not having to deal with him for a whole 10 hours, but since it was Friday, I'd have the whole weekend to spend alone with him. I took my time walking home, I was nowhere near happy to go back to that apartment, to go back to holding back my tears because of how much pain I feel every time I hit that wooden floor or feel his hand across my face. It's not like I could hide away in my room, we share the same room, the same bathroom, the same house, the only thing we don't share is the pain. That's all me. I approached my building, looking up at the light from my bedroom, he's home. I slowly walked up the stairs, fearing every step I was closer to that door, to that so called man. I took out my keys, hands shaking, after all this time I'm still scared to death of walking through this door. We've been living together for 2 years and I still want to crawl in a corner and cry my eyes out because I don't want to go back home. I turned the key, unlocking the door, I took a deep breathe then turned the knob and pulled my key from the door. I glanced over at the couch, he was watching some stupid show I could care less about. "Where's my dinner?" His words stabbed me in the heart, the tone he had made my eyes force themselves shut, I stopped the opened my eyes and spinning around on my heels to face him, "Pizza?" I feared him saying no, please say yes, that means one less hit, the more make-up I save. He hesitated for a minute, "Fine." I felt relieved, I turned back towards the kitchen to get the house phone, punching in the number for the pizza place down the block. I told them the usual order, then writing out a check since I was short on cash. I went to the bedroom and closed the door, I took my coat off and put it in the closet, I heard the bedroom door open, I turned around to see him in the door way. He didn't look like the sort of guy you'd think to hit his girlfriend, I guess that's why he does it. "Why'd you close the door?" He folded his arms across his chest and leaned on the door frame, I thought carefully but quickly about my next words, "I-I like the door closed when I get changed." I tried my best to phrase it as a statement rather than a question, I like the door closed, I don't need permission. I repeated those words in my head, trying to give myself confidence that that's a good reason and he won't hit me. He took a step closer to me, "I didn't ask you what you like, bitch." He drew his arm back, I shut my eyes and flinched, I felt his hand across my face then I found myself on the ground of our closet. I brought my hand up to my cheek, it stung bad, tears threatening to fall, I held them in-crying only means more beating. He smiled like the devil he is, I heard the doorbell ring, relieved the pizza was here. He grabbed the check off the bed and went to get the food, I picked myself up off the floor then quickly changed into pajamas. I walked out into the hallway to see him already on the couch with a box of pizza, I rubbed my cheek then went to the kitchen. I grabbed a plate and put a few slices on, knowing he'd probably want to eat at least half of that pizza plus the box he already has. I sat down on a chair, the farthest away from him as possible, I avoided looking at him at all, I stared blankly at the television, not caring about the show but just thankful he enjoyed it more then hitting me. I took my plate and his box to the kitchen, throwing the box away and then doing the dishes. I heard him get up then I felt him behind me, I felt scared-knowing he was behind me was going to make me fuck up and get beat. Sure enough I dropped a plate, it shattered on the floor, echoing throughout the kitchen. I looked down at it then up at him, "Sorry, Alex." His jaw tightened then he pushed me to the ground, "Stupid skank. Can't do anything right, clean that shit up." I picked up the pieces with shaky hands while he stood over me, after I picked all the pieces up I felt him pull me off the ground, by my hair. I held back more tears, closing my eyes tighter than ever, waiting for him to let go. "It wo-won't happen again, Alex." My head was pounding, either because of how scared I was or how badly it hurt that I was still being held my hair. He let me go, allowing me to throw the broken plate away, I went to the bedroom and turned the light off. Fake sleep, that always works, I avoid several beating by "sleeping", I closed my eyes and snuggled close to the blanket. The only thing in this place that actually liked me. After about 30 minutes I felt the spot next to me sink down and the blankets move a bit, he tossed and turned finally falling asleep 10 minutes after getting in the bed next to me. I let my tears fall silently, not wanting to wake him, I can't handle this life anymore. I need a way out. My head still hurt as did my face from when he hit me earlier, I reached up to my lip, it was busted. I wiped my tears as they still fell. I shut my eyes, crying myself to sleep, again.


	2. Chapter 2

*Caitlin's P.O.V*

Tear spots were still on my pillow when I opened my eyes, coming back to reality and leaving one of the only places I was safe from him. I looked down to see his arm wrapped around my waist and him huddling close to me, he must be in a good mood. I sighed in relief that today was already starting out better then I expected, my phone buzzed on the table beside me making an awful sound. "Work" read across the screen, I was confused as to why they were calling me at 9 in the morning on a Saturday but I couldn't hide that it brought me joy as the thought of leaving danced through my mind. I carefully climbed out of the bed and rushed out the room to answer the call, walking out to the small balcony off the kitchen.

"Hello?" I closed the door quietly, shivering a bit from the cold winter air, smiling down at the streets.

"We need you to come in today, Phil requested you to help with set up for a concert in a few weeks. They need to discuss things with you." I loved that first sentence, my heart jumped and fluttered, I was beyond happy to leave this place for the day. 

"Concert for who? What time do they need me?" I leaned on the rail still smiling, but brighter now.

"One Direction. They need you by 11. Are you able to make it?" My stomach did the same as my heart, I didn't know whether or not I was happier about leaving or about helping with a One Direction concert. So far today was the best day I've had in a while, I haven't had a fake smile on my face yet, and I surely didn't plan on having one for the rest of the day.

"I'll be there. See you then." I hung up the phone, my smile was not as bright as before, I felt my lip begin to bleed again. The wind blew, making my lip sting a bit, I brought my sleeve up to my mouth to wipe the blood then went back into the apartment. I tip toed to the closet, changing from my silk pajamas to normal clothes. I had my shoes in one hand and my coat in the other, as I reached for the doorknob I heard a horrible sound that made my heart ache and my pulse quicken, "Where are you going?" He had such a harsh tone, I looked over my shoulder trying not to sound shaky, "Work. They need me." 

As I was closing the bedroom door, I heard him turn away then mumble, "I Love you."

My mind went back to every time he has ever said that to me, those three words were only heard the day after the beatings.

"Love you too." I shut the door and hurried out the apartment slipping into my coat and my shoes. I finally made it outside, still replaying the short conversation I had just had with Alex. I was slightly confused about the whole thing, he hadn't asked any further questions or abused me, verbally or physically.

I went to my office at Radio City rather than walking the extra block to McDonald's or straight to MSG. I walked rather quickly to my office, I didn't want to waste a single moment, since I had the wonderful privilege to work for most of my weekend. I heard the beautiful sound of a piano, I guess I was no longer needed for that show. I helped out the most I could here, I'm higher up the chain than the pianist, I help set things up and make sure everything runs smoothly. I also hop from Radio City to MSG, sometimes double up my work and help at both; some find me crazy for doing so much but I love it. But every now and again I like to escape the stress, the fears of being abused when I walk through the front door, the tears and fake smiles, instead of setting up the show I play the piano in it. I remember all those days I've ever said, "Work. They need me." and not meaning it, I just wanted to escape him and come here to play that beautiful piano to take my mind off my fears, off my pain, and just escape this shitty world that didn't ever look like it was getting better.

I shook the thought off, I was not letting Alex get to me today, the only thing I should be thinking about is One Direction and helping with that concert.

I unlocked the door to my office and flipped the lights on, going straight to my desk. I searched through the piles of books, folders and papers for my list of everything needed to make a concert absolutely perfect, although the boys didn't need me to make that happen.

I waved with a smile to every employee I passed, this time not faking my happiness.

I walked back out onto the crowded sidewalk, feeling the cold air against my face, making my ears tingle and teeth chatter.

I was relieved when I got to MSG, I was freezing my ass off walking for 30 minutes. I pulled the door open, this time feeling warmth against my face, warming my cheeks and making my ears tingle once again from the temperature change. Everyone greeted me with a smile and a simple, "Hello." I was pretty known here, since I was here at least five times every month. I helped to my best of my abilities, hardly able to focus since I had that beast in my bed and my chances of finally meeting the boys were now higher than I have ever imagined. Today passed almost as quickly as yesterday, although I wasn't as frightened now since this morning was off to a better start then usual. I still walked home slowly, maybe even slower then yesterday, all I knew was I wasn't ready to go back. I still had tonight and tomorrow to get through before I could escape once more to this beautiful place away from him. I walked slower now, since I was closer than before and now heading up the steps to that door that protected me from him for now. I tried to prepare myself mentally for any harm he might cause this time around, heading up the final set of steps and shaky fingers, I turned the last corner seeing my door right in front of me with a note on it. I didn't quicken my speed, I found no use in going faster to get there no matter what the note could possibly say. I approached the door carefully, still a few feet away, I examined the note, squinting my eyes to read small scribbles for words.

I won't be back for a while bitch.

Don't fucking leave.

-Alex

I sighed in relief that I was alone for the night, so I could hopefully sleep safe and not cry silently. I ripped the note off the door, crumbling it into a ball as I opened the door to the quiet apartment that for now was my heaven on earth rather than my day escape. I was now free to do whatever I pleased which didn't happen too often, it happened so rarely that the only thing I could think of doing was to curl up on the couch and watch TV. How boring. 

It was only 11, I still had on average 3 more hours alone, which I would mentally cherish every moment of. It was nice to have some peace, no blood to clean, no bruises to cover, for now. I sure as hell did not want to be up when that drunk bastard got home, knowing him, that was most likely what he went to do, drink until they kicked him out. I turned the t.v. and lights off and made my way through the dark hallway to my bedroom, empty, just the way I liked it. I replaced my clothes with silk pajamas and curled up in the blanket shutting my eyes with a slight smile on my face, thankful, that today I didn't get beat, I didn't have to fake a smile, I didn't have to cry myself to sleep. Thankful that for the first time, I wasn't afraid to be in my own home.


	3. Chapter 3

*Caitlin's P.O.V* 

I woke up to the apartment being in the same way I left it when I went to bed, silent and empty. I sat up with a smile staring at the spot next to me which was no longer occupied with a living nightmare. I wasn't getting my hopes up, for all I know he could be passed out and drunk on the couch. I pushed the blanket off of me and threw my legs over the side of the bed, placing my bare feet on the cold hardwood floor. Rather than going to investigate the rest of the apartment to see if he was home I went the bathroom to quickly examine my bruised and beaten face that had been left alone to recover a bit for the past day. I flicked on the light, staring blankly at my reflection unhappy with what I saw. I hardly looked any different; chapped, swollen and bloody lips, bruised arm and cheek, black left eye. The swelling and bruising was no longer as bad as before, but that didn't fix the fact that I'm stuck in this horrible house with this horrible "man". I turned off the lights and walked out into the hallway, creeping silently down the hall in case he was home. I poked my head around the corner, my eyes flickered all around the kitchen and living room, my body overflowing with surprise and relief to see no sight of him. I headed back for the bedroom, unbuttoning my shirt on the way to the closet. I set out my clothes on the bed and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and cover up my not-so-badly-bruised face. I'd rather not stay in this hell, even if he still wasn't home. I left the apartment with a genuine smile on my face with every thought and memory of him in the back of my mind, not letting them surface so it could ruin my mood. I waved down a taxi after a few blocks, the cold winter air was too much for me to handle for such a long time. I climbed in still shivering, the heat from the cab making my whole body tingle with warmth. "Where to, miss?" The taxi driver had a friendly smile, something I hadn't seen for awhile from a man. "The closest Starbucks, please." I put my seat belt on and rested my head on the window, looking up past all the massive buildings at the sky covered with fluffy, grey clouds waiting to pour snow out once more. 

A few blocks and several dollars later, he pulled over close to the sidewalk outside of Starbucks as I reached in my purse for money. He thanked me as I climbed out of the warm cab out to the freezing city shivering slightly as a small breeze blew past me. I sat in the small, overcrowded coffee shop for an hour staring out the window at everyone passing by, not wanting to go back to the blistering cold or home. I eventually left, spent my time walking around the city not caring much about how numb my whole body was. I turned a corner only to be knocked to the cold ground with a stranger on top of me. I inhaled deeply, the smell of Cologne tingling my nose and making my head spin. They got off and extended a hand, "Sorry about that, love." I accepted their offer, that voice sounding oddly familiar. I looked up into beautiful blue eyes that reminded me of an ocean after a storm, my heart raced as I realized that I had bumped into, touched and was now talking to Louis. "It's okay." I smiled rather brightly back at him although a bit confused as to why he was in New York so early when their concert is a couple of weeks away. I walked away from him, even more numb than before and trying to remember how to breathe. 

*Louis' P.O.V* 

As I turned a corner I ran into someone knocking them straight to the ground, as I landed on top of them. I quickly got up on my feet and extended my hand to help them up, "Sorry about that, love." I smiled as she reached her feet, her brown eyes met my blue ones, "It's okay." She smiled back at me then walked away. I continued walking, questioning myself as to why I didn't start up a conversation with her, her smile was playing over and over again in my mind, she was awfully pretty for the brief moment that I saw her. I shook the thought of her off as I walked into the hotel room me and the lads were staying in. 

*Caitlin's P.O.V* 

It was all so surreal, I was almost tempted to pinch myself, I couldn't believe that I had run into Louis. I walked all the way home, still replaying the short moment that I had seen, touched and talked to one of the members of One Direction. I walked up the stairs, shivering as I regained feeling all throughout my body. I was frightened that Alex may be home already, I checked the time on my phone it's only noon so he's probably still out doing god-knows-what. I unlocked the door then locked it behind me, it was still empty and quiet, he wasn't sitting in his usual spot on the couch. I threw my keys on the table next to the door and went back to my room, I kicked my shoes off next to the closet and jumped backwards onto the bed, closing my eyes and letting out a sigh. I wasn't worried about where Alex was but why he has been gone for so long and will I be hit when he gets back? 

I fell asleep for several hours, I woke up to the front door closing and noises in the kitchen, "Caitlin?" I got up and walked out into the hallway, stretching and rubbing my eye, "Yeah?" He poked his head out of the kitchen, "Is there anything to eat in this shitty house?" he didn't have such a harsh tone, he was actually calm and seemed to be the same person he was yesterday instead of the monster the day before. I didn't question his strange, some-what happy attitude but instead soaked it in and enjoyed it while it lasted. I joined him in a search for decent food in the kitchen, we finally gave up and ordered take out instead, I offered to go but he refused to let me go out in the cold, dark city so he left once again. I was alone in this apartment for the millionth time since yesterday and I was not complaining although he had been in an unusually good mood. He returned shortly with dinner, I went to bed straight after not caring to watch television or strike up a conversation with him. After about 20 minutes of me laying in bed I heard the door open and close, making my heart shutter. Alex climbed into the bed next to me and scooted closely, I pretended to be sleeping and stayed frozen while he wrapped one arm around my waist, kissed my neck then laid back. No matter how loving he seemed to be this weekend, I am still glad to go to work tomorrow morning.


	4. Chapter 4

*Caitlin's P.O.V*

I woke up an hour before my alarm went off, my living nightmare was still sound asleep with his arm still around me. I carefully removed his hand from my waist and got out of the bed, heading towards the bathroom for my normal cover-up-his-"love" routine. The bruises were fairly better but still required a mask to avoid questions. I sighed, still unhappy with the coward I saw staring back at me. I ignored all the thoughts pouring in my mind, telling me to walk out that door right now and never look back because frankly, I just wasn't strong enough to do that. I peeked out the bedroom window to find it snowing, again. I sighed and went to the closet, quietly changing so I didn't have to deal with questions, insults, or abuse so early in the morning. I made my way out of the building and into the busy, freezing city glad to be out and away from the man in my bed. I skipped breakfast and went straight to MSG, which made me think of my encounter with Louis yesterday. I quickened my pace hoping to get out of this shitty weather and get to work, something most people dreaded going to everyday, but I on the other hand loved going to work because of the current situation I have been in for much too long. I pushed the glass door open, shivering as my body tingled from the climate change. I made my way to where the boys were rehearsing, Louis being the first one I saw, I walked towards the stage where the 5 of them were laughing and joking around; while I was practically drooling over Louis. He looked over at me with a shocked sort of look on his face, our eyes connected for a second before I turned away, feeling heat rise to my cheeks. I went backstage and set my coat on a chair, seeing Louis still looking at me out of the corner of my eye. 

Why is he staring at me? 

Are my bruises that noticeable? 

I walked over to Phil, he runs shit. He was yelling at an intern, practically ripping their head off. When he saw me his frustration quickly changed to a friendly smile. I have been working for him since I was about 15, working my ass off as an intern to get where I am now, which I've somehow managed to do in the past 6 years. In the past years we have become close friends; so close that I have told him about my abusive relationship which I haven't even told my parents about. He dismissed the intern and opened his arms, greeting me with a tight hug, "I'm glad you're here, Caitlin." He released me but his smile stayed, he led me over to the boys, my heart beating faster and faster which each step I took. "Boys, this is Caitlin, if you have and problems or questions go to her. She can fix it all." heat rose to my cheeks once more; I wasn't surprised by the way he introduced me, he does that whenever I assist with an important show it's just the fact that he introduced me to One Direction like that. I was standing before the only boys who have ever made me feel special although they never knew I existed until now, and the fact that I get to spend the entire day with them was pretty fantastic. The boys smiled and said hello to me, Louis still had a surprised sort of look still spread across his face, I ignored it and went to help everyone backstage.

The end of the work day was slowly approaching, causing my wonderful mood to fade and turn into fear mixed with depression as the thought of going home began to haunt me. Most of the employees went home as soon as they could but I stayed behind, dreading every step I would soon have to take to get home. I sat down at the piano, sliding my right index finger across all the keys then hovering both of my hands over the middle of the keys, closing my eyes and taking a deep breathe. I mentally flipped through all the songs I've learned to play over the years, finally picking out one I haven't played in awhile; Because of you by Kelly Clarkson. I stared at the black and white keys in front of me as I began playing the song, humming it softly to myself.

"I lost my way and it's not too long before you point it out. I cannot cry because I know that's weakness in your eyes."

My chest had a sharp pain while I reached that line, images of Alex hitting and kicking me while I just laid there flashed through my mind, I remembered always telling myself not to cry, no matter how badly it hurts, don't cry. I fought back the tears that were threatening to escape my brown, slightly swollen and bruised eyes.

"I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh, everyday of my life..."

I stopped playing and slammed both of my hands down on the keys, an awful sound echoing throughout the room. I laid my head on my hands, letting the tears flow freely now, not caring any longer if anyone who was still here saw me. A few seconds after I had stopped playing and began crying, I felt a warm hand on my right shoulder, I was shocked that anybody was still in this room, I knew there was still higher up people but they were all out near their offices, in the lobby, etc. I didn't bother trying to hid behind a smile as I looked up into beautiful, familiar blue eyes filled with worry and concern. I wiped the tears from my eyes as I quickly turned my head away from Louis, I felt him remove his hand and slide next to me on the piano bench. I slowly turned my head back towards him, the look in his eyes still there when we made eye contact once more, "Why are you crying, babe?" Louis spoke softly even though there was no one else in the room, it felt as if he spoke any louder I would literally break into a million pieces. I shook my head and got up from the seat, walking quickly to where I set my coat at earlier today. I put my coat on as I walked out the door into the bitter, cold city. I had hardly taken two steps before feeling a familiar hand on my shoulder again, he spun me around so we were face to face, I felt a lump form in the middle of my throat as I realised how close we were to each other. "Talk to me." He was no longer asking me any questions but demanding he know why I was in such a fragile state. Usually the sound of those words would have made me flinch but they weren't spoken harshly and didn't follow with a hard smack to the left of my face, instead they were filled with what seemed to be concern. I looked past Louis at the door the building in which we had just came from, the rest of the boys had piled out onto the busy sidewalk as well with a few body guards close by. He looked over his shoulder at them then grabbed my frozen hand and pulled me along with him, "I'll be at the hotel in a bit, boys." He gave them a quick smile and continued walking, not allowing anyone to question or object to whatever he was doing and where-ever we were going. We walked for only a few minutes before we made it to a tiny, unfamiliar restaurant. He didn't release my now warm hand until we were sitting down at a table in the far back corner of the small overly crowded restaurant. The lump in my throat was no longer present, instead I was actually calmer and less worried about going home since I now had a change of plans which I quite frankly did not object to. Louis' eyes looked the same as they did back at the theater, filled with worry and concern as he finally spoke after a minute or two of silence, "Please tell me what's wrong?" I looked down at my lap then closed my eyes tightly, why does he care? He doesn't even know me. I pushed the thoughts aside and focused on trying to find the right words to say, finally finding a sentence that summed it all up, "I'm afraid to go home." I didn't bother opening my eyes, I knew the second I did I would be sobbing horribly and I'd rather not do that in such a public place. I tried to stay calm, and think about other things than being beaten by the man that says he "loves" me. I opened my eyes and looked up at Louis, he now had a look of confusion on his face, he raised an eyebrow at me; I tried not to focus on how cute he was but it was nearly impossible to not have that thought running through your mind while you're looking at him. I looked away as I went further into detail, "He hits me." I found myself whispering as if I talked any louder Alex would come bursting through the door and drag me back to hell. I looked back up into Louis' eyes, it was hard to tell what exactly he was thinking.

I explained everything to him, how I cry myself to sleep every night, how alone I always feel, and how I have yet to tell my own parents about it. "Why don't you leave him, love?" I could hear the anger behind his words, I hoped he was angry at my situation rather than at me for being so weak. "I just can't. He always finds me, he always hurts me." That was the truth, I have tried to leave him before, staying at my friends home down in New Jersey for only a short 2 days before he found me and forced me back home.

It was starting to get late so we headed back out into the city, walking in silence until he started making small-talk, "I was pretty shocked when I saw you today, Caitlin." he glanced over at me and chuckled, then looked ahead of him again. My knees grew weak at the sound of him saying my name, "You remember bumping into me yesterday?" I looked at him, waiting for an answer, a small smile formed on his lips, "Yeah, I thought it was a bit odd running into you, not even saying much. Then figuring out I'd be working with you, small world, yeah?" I nodded then looked at the ground in front of me, thinking about how I didn't even ask for a picture or anything, I just ignored the fact that I had been knocked to the ground by a member of a famous boy band that I had a massive fan sort of crush on. "I was shocked I bumped into you, I actually am a fan of you boys." I laughed slightly at how odd that sounded to say out loud. "Oh yeah?" Louis chuckled probably for the same reason.

We approached my building, my heart sank into my stomach and my whole body went numb as I searched for the windows to my apartment. I counted up to the 4th floor, I didn't see a single light on. I sighed in relieve then turned towards Louis, "Thank you for caring." I couldn't help but smile at him, he smiled back and wrapped his arms around my waist, hugging me tightly. I ignored how stunned I was and that I was probably going in to cardiac arrest and hugged him back, having the familiar scent of his cologne tingle my nose again, enjoying it while it lasted; Alex never hugs me. I said good bye to Louis and headed inside and up the stairs, the whole day replaying in my mind. I made my way inside the dark apartment, the clock on the wall read 9:18pm I was curious as to where Alex might be but didn't care much to go into further thought since he was either sleeping or out with his friends. I changed into my pajamas and got in the empty cold bed, curling up into the covers and shutting my eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

*Caitlin's P.O.V*

I woke up to the horrible buzzing of my alarm clock echoing throughout the small bedroom. I rolled out of my bed, quite shocked and thrilled that it was empty like last night. It had been two days without an attacks from Alex, I couldn't figure out if he was in a good mood or just too drunk or hungover to care.

I sighed at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. The bruises weren't as noticeable as before but they still prevented me from looking in the mirror without cringing. 

I don't know why I wasted my time looking at that depressed coward in the mirror, she wasn't me. I wouldn't have stayed with Alex, I wouldn't be putting up with his shit if I would've gotten out faster and stopped making up excuses for his "short temper". I became frustrated with myself, I could've been happy and not have to deal with all these bruises if I wouldn't have falling for his lame ass excuses that "he was sorry" and "it'd never happen again" because he "loves me". I actually didn't fall for that last one. I know he doesn't give a shit about me, I may not be able to get out of this shitty life without fear of him finding, but I'm not stupid.

I got over my pathetic life long enough to get ready for work, the only place that I was haunted by the thought of being hit.

I opened the bedroom door, a horrible feeling began in the pit of my stomach as I shuddered staring at Alex passed out on the couch. I tried to creep past him to avoid questioning in case he woke up and forgot that I actually have a job. As I placed my shaky hand on the cold metal knob I heard him move around on the couch. I looked over through a curtain of hair, glad for a moment that I had such long hair to hide my worried expression. He had now awoken and positioned himself to be sitting up and staring at me with a harsh look on his face. I reluctantly released the door knob and looked over at him with no emotion at all shown on my face.

"You look like shit, where are you goin'?" I nearly flinched at his words, his tone was almost as harsh as the look on his face. 

I swallowed the lump in my throat, "To work, it's Tuesday." I turned back towards the door to leave before any other questions were asked. As I opened the door he got up from the couch, I froze. "I wasn't done talking to you, bitch." 

I knew what was coming next, so I ran.

I made it down a flight of stairs then half way down a second before I felt a heavy hand on my back. 

He pushed me. Hard.

I stumbled down the last 6 steps, hitting my head on the wall, my hair was a mess and my nose dripped blood. Nothing was luckily broken but everything hurt like a bitch.

He towered over me, angry eyes burning into mine as I tried to collect myself and hurry out of the building to prevent getting put into the hospital again, or worse.

I hurried down the last staircase; my ankle was most likely sprained, I ignored it and kept moving until I got out of the building. He stopped at the top of the last staircase and stared at me as I walked out the door into the freezing city, satisfied with the mess he made of me. 

I walked quickly with my head down as I fixed my hair. My ankle still hurt but I had gotten used to it, my nose stopped bleeding probably from the cold air and my face was most likely covered in blood. I finally approached MSG, my pace automatically quickened until I reached the door. I covered the bottom half of my face with my hand just in case I drew attention to myself. I spotted Louis as I walked in the door, I stopped for a second, he had a smile on his face when he looked over from his friends he was joking with but his smile quickly faded, he could tell something was wrong. I looked away and rushed to the bathroom before he was able to ask what happened since my brain was too scattered to come up with a valid excuse, even if I could think straight there was nothing to say. He could tell what happened.

I turned the sink on and grabbed a handful of paper towels, refusing to look at my reflection once again. I turned the faucet on and put a few paper towels under the cold water, I brought them up to my face as I unwillingly looked up in the mirror. My hair was still a bit of a mess and I had blood running down from my nose. I scrubbed my face with the cheap paper towels that felt almost like sandpaper, I flinched at the pain it brought me as I got closer to my bottom lip which was busted, again. I was growing tired of the same shit, three years of abuse is too much if this kept going he was most likely going to kill me. 

I pulled myself together, now decent enough to go back and avoid questions from everyone but Louis. I sighed deeply before exiting the restroom, I pulled open the heavy door and saw Louis waiting right by the door. Fuck.

"What happened?" His eyebrows were pulled together and he looked pissed, it was sweet he cared for me even though he just learned my name yesterday. 

I shut my eyes and tried to find something other than the truth, but there was nothing. "He-he pushed me." I looked up into his eyes that stung with pain at my words. It was clear how much he was against abuse, I could tell he was truly upset for me but I didn't want sympathy I wanted a way out and all he could do was hug me and tell me to leave him. But we both knew I didn't have the courage to do that again.

He pulled me in towards him, and hugged me. It was shocking, again. I still wasn't used to a man actually showing his care for me in a gentle manner, it was nice though. I hugged back, tears threatening to escape but I held them in; I hated showing my emotions especially since I was used to being hit if I did. When he released me he smiled, "Don't you have a job to do, babe?" Babe. I know he's British so that's normal but I was not getting used to it, especially since Alex never said anything like that to me. Alex, it always came back to him. I pushed him out of my mind and followed Louis backstage where I spent the next 7 hours in fear of what was waiting for me back home.

 

The day went by slower than usual, I was happy that I had time to think about a back up plan so I didn't have to go straight home, or just not go home at all. I lost track of my plans every time I glanced at Louis, he was already looking at me most likely still worried though I didn't see a point since I've made it this long without being killed yet. But then again, I was worried that would happen this time.

By the end of the day I was laughing and joking with them, happier than I was this morning and it was genuine happiness. The only joy I found with them. I walked with them out into the freezing city, fans had finally figured out they were here and were now crowded around us and screaming. I was actually quite scared, I had seen videos of concerts and fans like this but I didn't think it was this chaotic. All the boys were signing things and taking pictures, I had actually forgotten they were celebrities. After they meet a few dozen fans they had to go back to their hotel, I refused to go straight back home so I walked with them hoping that if I stalled enough Alex might be in a decent mood. It was a fun walk, they made me laugh and asked me random questions and even brought up somethings they wanted to go over for the concert. We got closer to their hotel, some fans were outside their hotel, they hadn't noticed us yet, thankfully. 

I said bye to them, and walked in the opposite direction in fear of the possibility of being beaten so bad I end up either in the hospital or 6 feet under. 

Louis was walking next to me now, I stopped and gave him an odd look.

"'You can't go back to him, he'll hurt you again." He whispered almost like the others would overhear which was basically impossible with all the commotion from the city and our distance from them. I swallowed the lump in my throat, he was right. I didn't say anything, there was nothing I could say. My mind couldn't find an excuse for him and my body couldn't find the courage to keep walking, I was too weak to walk away from Alex for good, and too weak to face him again. 

Louis' eyes lit up and I gave him another odd look. "Stay at our hotel. I don't want you to get hurt again." I stared back at him, not sure how to respond-I didn't want to go home but I couldn't stay there. He might find me, again. 

"Please. You can't go back to him." His voice was traced with sincerity, I nodded my head though I had a feeling in my gut I was going to regret it.


	6. Chapter 6

*Louis' P.O.V*

I had no idea I said that out loud, one moment it was just a thought the next I was begging her to listen to me. I was worried that piece of shit was going to kill her so I wasn't really worried about getting yelled at by our security or management for what the paps will most likely do with any pictures of us, I just wanted her safe and as long as she's with Adam or whatever, she won't be. We walked back towards the rest of the little group we had going on, our security was still pissed that we refused to sit in a damn car and would much rather walk around and meet fans, but none of us really cared. If we had listened to them, Caitlin would be walking towards her own death at this very moment, but for the short time we still have here in New York, I refuse to let anything more happen to her. I've known this girl but a few days and already we've became close enough friends that she could tell me about what a shitty man she's stuck with. It hurt seeing a girl being so mistreated, it pissed me off.

No one deserves that.

She doesn't deserve that.

*Caitlin's P.O.V*

I had fear and relief flowing through my body, I didn't have to go home. But that's just it, I wasn't going home back to him, what if he finds me again? What if I don't walk away from this one?

We slowly approached the hotel surrounded by teenage girls being held back by guards and metal barriers, the closer we got the louder the fans got. I hated the sound of them yelling, trying to get their attention; the only time I heard yelling was from Alex and it always included some sort of insult so I was naturally frightened by the noise. I kept my head down and walked close to security as we passed the crowd, things were too crazy for the boys to be allowed to interact with the fans which was perfectly fine with me. We entered the warm lobby, a familiar sensation passing through my rosy cheeks as my body adjusted to the new temperature. It was quieter, thankfully, the only noise being the ding of the elevator or the bit of someones conversation as you passed by. I took in the beauty of the lobby as we walked towards the elevator, I was truly thrilled Louis told me to come with them besides the fact that I've been in love with these boys for years, I was finally away from home.

We were in the elevator for what felt like ever, I stayed quiet and laughed at the boys as they teased and wrestled with each other, it was nice to see a group of friendly guys for a change. The elevator finally came to a stop, the doors opened to reveal a quiet, vacant hallway. Once the boys piled out into the hallway, it wasn't as quiet as the people on floor would like it.

"Are you alright?" Louis was smiling but his nose was scrunched and an eyebrow was raised, marking his clear confusion but it was absolutely adorable when he made that face. I didn't think much of my lack of noise, I didn't usually talk much I just, observe.

"I'm fine, just thinking." I raised the corners of my lips in an attempt of a smile to put him at ease, but I probably looked like goof. He worried quite a bit about my safety, at this point I don't really blame him; look at where I am now, scared to death to go home and paranoid as hell.

We didn't walk very far from the elevator until we stopped at a room, one of the guards pulled room card, swiped it sideways through the lock then pushed the door open and stepped aside for us to go in. Their hotel suite was beyond huge and a mess. There was play station games and old pizza boxes on the table and clothes scattered all over the place, some clean but most dirty. It looked like a normal teen boys room, and that's basically where I had just ended up.

"Sorry about the mess, most of it is Niall's fault." Liam laughed and playfully pushed Niall who just laughed and shook his head.

"It's fine, I love the sight of old food and dirty socks." I chuckled and moved a small pile of socks out of my path then continued to one of the small white couches. I looked out the massive windows that had a great view of the buildings across the street, it was nearly dark out; the bit of the sky I could see over the other buildings had strips of pink and yellow, it was actually beautiful I'd never seen something so pretty.

"What are you looking at?" Louis laughed as he sat down next me, I hadn't realized that I was just staring out the window for the past few minutes, I probably did look a bit odd to everyone around me.

"The sky, it's pretty." I smiled and pointed out the window, I laughed at myself it was embarrassing how awkward I make everything.

Louis played some sort of racing game with Niall on the play station for an hour; Harry was out to God knows where, Zayn had most likely fallen asleep on one of the beds, and Liam was laughing at the fact that Louis was getting his ass kicked in this game, they were a fun group-the thought of going back home was more depressing than ever now.

My eyelids had grown heavy as time went by, it was now around midnight which was way past my bedtime.

"I'm tired." I stood up from the couch and stretched, sitting in the same position for over an hour wasn't too comfortable. Louis paused the game and stood up from the black chair he had just been sitting in. He motioned for me to follow him to one of the rooms where there was a queen size bed calling my name.

"Good night, babe." He pulled me in for a quick hug, something I still wasn't used to. I said good night with a small smile and proceeded to the bed as he walked back out towards his game. I got underneath the covers and closed my eyes, I was calmer than any other time I would lay down in a bed, afraid of the man that slithered in next to me.

Though we shared a bed, we next faced or touched each other. I slept facing the wall, him facing the window; those few nights where he would force his arm around me were to let me know I was practically a piece of property. I felt disgusted with myself for putting up with this shit for 2 years. It wasn't always like this, when we first starting dating he would kiss me and hold my hand. Then we moved in together; his temper grew short, he yelled more and the first official beating started when I refused sex. He was a monster after that, everytime I said no he hit me, and hit me.

I turned over on my side and shut him out of my mind, he wasn't here. I shouldn't be worried. And with that, I fell asleep.

I woke up to the sound of feet shuffling around on the floor then the feel of a body sinking into the mattress next to me. My heart sank and I froze, my eyes remained squeezed shut as I imagined Alex sliding in next to me. I felt the body close behind me, their hot breath on my neck and arm on my side.

"Relax, babe. It's not Alex, he can't hurt you anymore." Louis' voice put me at ease, I was no longer stiff and let out a sigh as chills ran up my spine at the sound of his tired, raspy voice literally right in my ear. He pulled me close to him and nuzzled his face in my neck, his breath and stubble tickled slightly, but why was he laying with me?

"Louis, what are you doing? Why're you-" he cut me off by shushing me and holding me tighter, it was nice to be held like this, I wasn't used to it but I sure as hell enjoyed it. I turned myself to face him, I opened my eyes and looked into his beautiful blue ones that eased me as much as hearing his voice. I buried my head into his bare chest and shut my eyes again, he held me close and kissed the top of my head. I fell asleep, happy.

*Louis' P.O.V.*

I wasn't sure what exactly motivated me to cuddle up with Caitlin in the middle of the night, but it felt right. She's been through hell, and scared to death. I couldn't take her being so paranoid much longer, maybe I just felt the need to comfort her. My concern for my new friend was overwhelming in such a short amount of time. She was so careful and kind, why was she with such a dick? She deserves someone better, much better.

I wasn't able to sleep thinking of her alone here, scared that he'd somehow find and take her again. My heart sank at the thought of the shit she'd have to go through tomorrow when she actually has to go home. She was now asleep, fear no longer running through her body; just her dreams. I held her closer to me, the feeling of her safe and away from him was something I couldn't describe.

I closed my eyes, no worry left in the air between the two of us; he couldn't harm her tonight and knowing that made us both feel better about the situation. What she needed was the courage to leave, maybe even someone to give her a push to help. And I'm willing to be that person.


	7. Chapter 7

*Louis' P.O.V*

I woke up to the sound of Niall's loud laughter, cool. It was only 5am and my arm had gone completely numb from the way Caitlin was laying on it, and I actually didn't mind. She looked calm, a different kind that I didn't see when she was awake. She usually seemed so calm and collected but now I knew that it was all to hide what she really felt which was clearly fear and this sort of calm was genuine because, she had nothing to fear. I carefully removed myself from the bed with my sleeping friend in it and walked out to see everyone else on the couches. They all looked at me and laughed, "What's so funny?" I walked across the room to where I had my bags at and began searching for clothes as Liam cleared his throat, "Well we noticed you walked out of the same room you told Caitlin to sleep in, and you're not fully dressed so.."

I laughed a bit and rolled my eyes, they didn't get it. We didn't do anything sexual I simply slept in the same bed as her, she needed someone, a friend.

I put a shirt on, my arm still felt odd like it was pouring down rain inside my skin I ignored it and sat down next to Liam, "Why do you think something happened between us?" I began fiddling with my thumbs, did it seem like we had a thing? Did she think it was something more than it really was? Or are they just being assholes again? Probably the last one, I hope the last one.

"Oh come on, Louis you can't say nothing happened. You like her. We can tell you do." Liam laughed again, why do they think I like her?

"It's not even like that. She has a boyfriend." I cringed at the last word that escaped my mouth, he wasn't fit to be her boyfriend, or any ones actually.

*Caitlin's P.O.V.*

I woke up confused as to where I was, this wasn't my bed or my room. I heard familiar voices from outside the room, I was relieved when I remembered where I was and thankful I wasn't where I should've been. I rolled out of the bed and looked at the clock, it was hardly past 5 which means I had time to go home and change before I needed to be at work. Chills ran up my spine as I thought of the possibility of Alex being home, he hadn't been there the past few nights well other than the previous one where I ended up being thrown down the stairs. I walked out to the room everyone else was in, their conversation quickly came to a halt when they saw me.

"What? Do I look that bad?" I felt around my hair, it wasn't crazy or sticking out, did I have something on my face?

They chuckled and Harry quickly changed the subject, "Do you need to go back home before you go to work?" I looked down at my clothes and back up at Harry with a look on my face that clearly said, "do you really think I'm going to wear this again?"

"Duh."

"I'll come with you." Louis stood up and walked towards me with a smile. I returned it and walked out of the suite with him and a few guards. It was nice knowing I had a friend that cared enough about me to put up with all this shit and try to help me with it.

We walked out the back and got into a black SUV that totally didn't scream "I'm famous" or anything. It was a somewhat short, quiet ride. I just looked out the window, thinking of how I was going to get in there and do what I needed to if Alex was home. We finally pulled off to the side of the road right outside my complex, a lump began to form in the center of my throat.

"What's wrong?" Louis' eyebrows were pulled together again, it was cute how much he cared.

"What if he's up there?" I looked up at the window to my bedroom, scared to death that he could be sleeping in there. Louis had one of his guards knock on my door, I prayed there'd be no answer so hopefully I could get in and get the fuck out with no problems.

He came back and opened my door, "No one's there." The lump in my throat was gone along with my worry.

Louis' came up with me, as we reached my door another wave of fear flew through me, what if he's just sleeping? I took a deep breath and unlocked the door, unwillingly pushed it opened and stepped inside. I looked around the living room, empty. I felt an overwhelming sense of joy as we investigated the rest of my home carefully and didn't see Alex anywhere.

"Do what you need to, I'll wait here."

Louis smiled and sat down on my bed. I was happy to have him here instead of Alex, a lot happier.

I took a shower as fast I could, not wanting to chance being here when Alex was.

I began to have an awfully familiar feeling of worry sweep over me the longer we stayed. I hurried to get dressed, my hands began to noticeably shake as I struggled to button my light pink blouse. I shouldn't be living like this, afraid to be in my own home, but it didn't feel like mine. You're supposed to have a sense of safety at home, but here, it was the complete opposite and I was disgusted with it. 

After 20, long minutes, I was finally ready to get out of there again. I grabbed my purse and slipped into flats, not even glancing at heels if I have to run from him again.

"Caitlin.." Louis seemed unsure on what exactly he wanted to say next and at the moment I was growing impatient and scared.

"I think you should stay with us at the hotel until we leave, I don't want you here." He looked as if he was trying not to cringe as his last sentence and his eyes seemed darker than usual. Was he that concerned about me? I had just literally ran into him on the sidewalk a few days ago and was a complete stranger, now he knows the one thing no one else does and wants to help me out of it. I had shut people out to avoid being hurt by anyone else, one was already too much; and now I had let basically a complete stranger into my life and he actually wants to help. 

But I needed more than help, I needed out.

I didn't say anything back to Louis instead I went back to my bedroom and grabbed a small duffel bag then went into my closet quickly then back to the bathroom. I zipped the bag and slid it up my arm to my shoulder with my purse and walked back towards Louis with a smile, I'm getting out. Not for long, but it's a start.

"Are you ready now?" Louis smiled as I nodded and we walked towards the front door, no more fear or worry of the possibility of running into Alex. 

I spoke too soon.

I stopped as I heard the knob shake then the door open, I knew who was standing on the other side.

"Oh look who's back. I knew you couldn't leave, bitch. Who the fuck is that?" Alex motioned towards Louis with a disgusted look on his face.

Louis stared back at him with practically the same look, his hands were clinched so tightly into fists his knuckles began to turn white. "Actually we were just leaving." He had a harsh tone, I hadn't seen him like this before. Out of all the pictures I've seen and the time we've spent together he's never been like this, I now have no doubt in my mind that he actually cares, I have a friend who actually wants me to get out of this and gives a shit about my safety. I don't think I'm ready for when they go back to England. I'll be alone with him again, that wasn't a pleasant thought but I'm not alone with him now so he won't hit me, right?

"She's not going anywhere." Alex blocked the door then looked me in the eyes, "I knew you were a whore." 

I shut my eyes, I felt a tear roll down my cheek my heart stung at those words. I heard a loud thud and both of them began cussing and screaming. I opened my eyes to see Louis on top of Alex in the hallway with a tight fist raised and the other hand clinching onto the collar of Alex's shirt. He brought his fist down and back up repeatedly before I found the strength in my legs to walk out into the hallway.

I grabbed onto Louis' tight bicep and tried to pull him off, he didn't budge. I heard him mumbling at Alex, "Piece of shit...not...a whore...don't....touch her.." 

"Louis we have to leave, please." I pulled harder on his arm begging him to stop before it got out of control. He raised his fist again, I placed my shaky hand over his fist and forced him to look at me, "Please." Another tear rolled down my cheek, it scared me seeing him so angry and violent, he was supposed to be helping me out of all this hate not adding to it. His breathing slowed, he looked down at Alex who was squirming to get away. Louis stood up, his fist opening to grab my hand. He began walking quickly towards the staircase before stopping and glaring at Alex who was using the door frame as support to get off the floor. "Don't fucking touch her again." Louis clenched his jaw then went down the staircase with his hand still tightly intertwined with mine. We were finally out of the building and back to the car, I slid over to the other side, tears still damping my cheeks and my body slightly shaking. Louis got in then shut the door, he slid closer to me and pulled me in for a hug. I didn't refuse or say or anything as he pulled me into his lap and hugged me tighter.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to..he..he's not good for you." Louis rubbed my back as I buried my face into his shirt, I knew he cared but did it really have to go that far?

"I know he's horrible but I can't leave. He'll find me. He always finds me." Memories of all the times I tried to leave came flowing to the front of my mind, never being able to leave for good. He won't let me.

"I don't want you with him. He doesn't deserve you." Louis' body became stiff as anger began to become more visible again. Instead of making anymore excuses, I held onto him tighter. I didn't know what else to say, he wanted to help me leave Alex for good and now I knew how serious he was about all of it. 

We went straight to MSG since things took a bit longer than originally planned. As we got out of the warm car I looked over at Louis' face to see all the damage that had been done to him. He probably had a few bruises on his side or leg; and his left cheek was slightly swollen, it was hardly noticeable so hopefully we can avoid questioning. Louis gave me a reassuring smile as we walked towards the door, I put on a smile and went through the work day like normal, only this day was sadder than the rest. Today was the last day of work before the concert which means I have 3 more days before our lives go back to the way they were before this week, I go back to that horrible home and Louis goes back to England and forgets all about our little friendship and everything he's done for me.

By the time we finished the day I was exhausted and wanted to sleep for five days straight. We rode back to the hotel, they told each other jokes and played games on their phones while I took advantage of nap time. It wasn't a very long nap but it took a long time to get back to their suite, I was growing impatient in the elevator, I just wanted to sleep. The boys were happy when they noticed that I had a bag with me, they didn't even question why I was stay another night with them which I had no problem with, since my lack of energy prevented me from having any straight thoughts or good excuses. The boys went straight for the TVs, as I went straight towards the room I stayed in last night.

"Where are you going?" Liam plopped down on one of the chairs with a play station controller and a confused look.

"Bed." I smiled and closed the door behind me then changing into pajamas. For the second night in a row I'm not afraid of climbing into a bed, I could get used to feeling like this, but I can't. It's only temporary. I crawled underneath the covers and shut my eyes as I cuddled close into them feeling a sense of joy of being able to sleep in peace knowing such an asshole can't lay in the same bed as me.

I woke up to a dark room, the bedside clock read 1:15am. I heard the door open then close and a familiar body sink in the mattress next to me again. I turned towards Louis, we stared at each other in silence for a few minutes before I decided to speak.

"I'm sorry for what happened today, I didn't want him to be there I jus-" He cut me off by crashing his lips against mine, I was shocked but I didn't push him away, I-I kissed him back. His lips were soft and gentle, he pulled me in closer to him as my hands traveled up his bare chest to his hair, and his found their way to my waist and the small of my back. We finally pulled away breathless and I buried my face into his chest once again.

"Go back to bed, Caitlin. You need the sleep." Louis' voice was raspy and tired, the same as last night. I tried to go back to sleep, but now, I was wide awake.

*Louis' P.O.V.*

I knew I wanted to lay with Caitlin again. I felt better with her in my arms, knowing that asshole can't harm her. I didn't regret beating the shit out of him, but I was worried with what could happen to her after I leave. 

When she began blaming herself I felt bad, none of this was in anyway her fault. I didn't know what to say so instead I kissed her. Our lips moved perfectly together, I would've expected her to stop or push me away but she seemed to have wanted it as much as I did.

I had no real plan to kiss her, I just wanted to hold her. I'm not entirely sure why I did, but I'm glad I did. I wanted to sleep but I had a million things running through my mind, was Liam right? Do I have feelings for her? But the most important one; what will happen when we leave? She'll go back to that asshole and forget everything that's happened, she'll be stuck forever.

I just want her to be safe.


	8. Chapter 8

*Caitlin's P.O.V.*

I woke up with my face still buried in Louis' bare chest and his arms around me. It's been a long time since a boy showed anything other than hatred towards me, it was a nice change. I wasn't exactly sure that the kiss we shared last night really happened and if he wanted to kiss me or if it just happened--I should regret it since I'm in a "relationship" but, I don't.

I ignored the thought of Alex that was just begging to flow throughout my mind, I wasn't letting him get to me on my day off. I didn't feel bad that I'd rather spend my day off from work with the people I've been working with rather than my own boyfriend who just couldn't keep him hands off of me-in the worst way possible. I snuggled up closer to Louis to push the thoughts of Alex far out of my mind, Louis pulled me in closer to him and took a deep breath, "I'm sorry."

I looked up into his sleepy blue eyes with my eyebrows pulled together, "Why do you keep apologizing?" I couldn't find a single thing he's done in the past days worth apologizing for, he already said sorry for what happened outside of my apartment which he definitely had no reason to be sorry about, I didn't really have a problem with that.

"I'm sorry for kissing you." His voice was raspy and tired traced with actual concern that I was upset with him for kissing me. My expression never changed and our gaze didn't break, "Why are you saying sorry for that?" I didn't push him away last night, I kissed him back; he had nothing to be sorry about unless, he didn't mean it.

"It wasn't right, you have a boyfriend..." The last word disgusted me, he was nothing more than a drunk room-mate with a short temper we don't do couple things, he just hurts me anyway he wants. "...I shouldn't have done that, I'm sor-" This time, I cut him off by pressing my lips to his lovingly for a short moment. I didn't want to hear him say he's sorry for something I was glad he did. I laid my head back onto a pillow and stared at the plain white ceiling for hardly a second before Louis was propped up on his elbow and looking down at me. We looked at each other for a moment before his eyes flickered from my eyes to my lips and leaned in again, his lips just grazing mine before he finally placed a gentle kiss against my lips. He pulled back for a moment with a questionable look on his face, still not entirely sure if we should be kissing. I brought my hand up to his chest then up to his shoulder and pulled him towards me. His lips moved with mine once again as my hands found their way to the back of his neck, pulling him in for more as he repositioned himself over me. His legs were now on either side of mine and his hands carefully ran down my sides; he removed his lips from mine only to place small delicate kisses, and a love bite or two, along my jawline and neck. His stubble tickled the crook of my neck as I ran my hand through his untamed bed hair. 

Something about all this felt, right. It wasn't exactly sexual, it was sweet and gentle; something I've never really had the privilege of. Maybe what we had here was more than we both thought, or maybe we're too tired to think straight. I was brought back from my thoughts when Louis brought his mouth back up to mine one last time then rolled over to lay beside me. At that very moment I think I had finally realized; he wasn't just a member of my favorite band or a client from work. I had realized that the pictures didn't show the whole Louis, they just saw him as another star, but he is so much more than that.

And I had finally realized, I wanted him in more ways than one.

*Louis' P.O.V.*

This is wrong. That was wrong. But it doesn't feel so wrong anymore, she needed someone who wouldn't bring her such pain. I just wanted to help her away from Alex, how did all this end up happening?

I turned on my side to face her, we laid there in silence as she stared up at the ceiling. She was so gentle and loving, she didn't deserve any of the shit she's been put through. I became frustrated as the image of her crying came wandering to the front of my mind. I didn't like seeing her so upset or with such an asshole. 

She finally turned towards me and yawned before scooting closer to me and cuddling back into my chest where she belonged. At this point, what we had here was somewhat more than just a friendship. Have I really developed feelings for her? My anger towards Alex was more than just a worried friend, it was actual jealousy. I'm jealous that he's had her for years and treated her so poorly, I'm jealous that he's known her longer and has laid in the same bed as her more than I have.

I'm jealous that she's his, and not mine.

*Caitlin's P.O.V.*

When I had officially woken up it was around noon and I was alone in the bed. I forced myself out of the bed as I grabbed my phone unhappy with the 3 texts that appeared on the screen. All 3 of them was from work, this is the first time I haven't been thrilled with them wanting me to come in. I unwillingly got ready to leave. 

The boys were all sitting around the tv when I had finally came out of the room.

"Where are you running off to?" I made it half way to the door before Liam had noticed I was leaving, I turned around to see them all staring at me with the same confused look on their faces.

"Work." I continued walking towards the door, leaving before they had anytime to ask me anything else. I felt odd around Louis now that I had realized how I truly felt towards him, afraid he wouldn't feel the same.

All I could really think about during work was what happened last night and this morning, usually someone would regret doing such a thing if they were in a relationship, but I don't feel bad about it at all. The only doubt in my mind was whether or not Louis felt the same about me. It could've been just been a "heat of the moment" sort of thing for him, but for me it was something more, something I wouldn't mind doing again and again with him.

I somehow managed to make it through about 6 hours of doing nothing, and I was actually thrilled when I had pushed open the heavy door to go out into the cold city. I looked down at my phone that had only 2% of battery left, a pain formed in my stomach as I began to realize where my phone charger was.

My apartment.

He couldn't be home, right? He's probably out drinking, right? I ignored the horrible thoughts flowing through my mind as I convinced myself there was no way he could be home, he had no reason to be home; I wasn't there which meant nobody was there to make him food or be pushed around for his entertainment.

I took a deep breath and began walking.

I began walking to my apartment.


	9. Chapter 9

*Caitlin's P.O.V.*

I hadn't really thought my plan through as I walked blocks and blocks away from the hotel and closer to my apartment. Fear swept over my body as I turned a corner and I was on my street. I found myself walking slower as I struggled to clear my mind; I couldn't call Louis to tell him where I was since my phone died 3 blocks ago, I should've just bought a new one or used one of theirs-I was already a few feet from the building when I had finally thought a good idea but there was no way he'd be up there he had no reason to be, no turning back now.

I finally forced myself inside and began up the stairs, I pulled my key out of my bag as I climbed the last set of stairs; my body became stiff as I imagined the door swinging open to reveal Alex, pissed off and drunk. I was now standing at my door, my shaky hand raising to the lock, slowly unlocking the door then pushing it open.

Empty. I sighed in relief as I closed and locked the door behind me, proceeded to the bedroom with a slight smile that I had nothing to worry about. I unplugged the phone charger from the left side of the bed, then froze as I heard the toilet flush and the bathroom door open.

"Well, well. Look who's back." He slurred his words but the anger in his voice was clear. I turned around trembling, I had no real plan of what I was going to do at this point, so I did the first thing I thought of, I ran. I made it to the front door, struggling to unlock it when a heavy hand shoved me onto the hardwood floor. He towered over me he was frustrated and reeked of booze, "You're not going anywhere you little slut."

He pulled me up forcefully to my feet, then grabbed onto my wrist and dragged me back into the bedroom. I tried to squirm out of his grip, he raised his hand and smacked me, hard. The right side of my face began to sting as a tear rolled down my cheek and I was shoved onto the bed. He climbed on top me, leaving wet, drunk, sloppy kisses all over my lips and neck before he stopped and turned my head to the left.

"What the fuck is this? I knew you were fucking around, filthy whore." He wrapped his hand around my throat as he looked in disgust at the hickey that had formed this morning on the lower part of my neck that met my collarbone. I had now began to cry and scream "no" over and over as he pushed my dress up and pulled my panties off. He tightened his grip around my throat, "Shut the fuck up." He undid his belt and unzipped his pants then looked me in the eyes and laughed.

"Looks like you won't be getting any help out of this one." He forced my legs open as I let out another cry, "I thought I told you to shut up, bitch." He smacked me again, I kept my head turned towards the window as I felt a sharp pain below my stomach. I cried out in pain as he began thrusting forcefully inside me, muttering insults in my ear as I cried Louis' name over and over.

"He's not going to save you this time, he doesn't give a shit about you. You're a slut. He doesn't care." He laughed as he began thrusting harder causing me more pain than when he pushed me down the stairs, or shoved me to the ground, or pulled me by my hair. I was getting sick of all this, I needed out, now. I reached around the nightstand closest to me, feeling the familiar shape of a bottle. I wrapped my hand tightly around the neck of the bottle and brought it forcefully to the side of his head, glass shattering against the floor as he rolled off of me in pain. I made my way out of the room. grabbing my bag and charger as I ran towards the door, unlocking it and swinging it open. He stumbled out of the bedroom, "Come back, I'm sorry." I ignored his lie and continued walking out the door and down the stairs despite the sharp, throbbing pain I felt in between my legs. I was now freezing on the dimly lit, slightly crowded sidewalk, I kept my head down as I walked shamefully in the direction of the hotel. A few silent tears warmed my cheeks as I shivered from a breeze and snow falling onto my bare arms.

I was only a few blocks away from the hotel when someone wrapped me in a tight hug and sighed.

Louis.

I returned the hug and choked out a sob as he buried his head in my neck, "You scared the shit out of me." his voice was raspy, but this time it wasn't from how tired he was, it was from crying.

I pulled back and looked at Louis, his eyes and nose were red and puffy, a few tears still visible on his cheek, "Why were you crying?" I stared at him questionably, he just stared back me, he didn't say anything and it actually kind of pissed me off, in a worried sort of way. We walked back to the hotel in silence, going in through the back since he was clearly not up to meet the few fans still waiting outside the hotel. None of the other boys noticed we had came in, thankfully; I retreated to the room I had been sleeping in, carefully lying back on the bed. Louis came in shortly after, closing and locking the door behind him.

"Where the hell were you?" His tone was harsh and his voice was quiet, he sat down on the bed next to me with a familiar worried, uncomfortable look on his face. I turned away and closed my eyes, my face and inner thighs still stung and I was really not in the mood to be yelled at.

"Why is your face so--did you..did you go back there?" His tone wasn't as harsh, he sounded more worried than before. He pressed his lips gently against my slightly swollen cheek, "Why?" He scooted closer to me, expecting an answer but I remained quiet. "You know he's a piece of shit, stop going back there." He was beginning to get louder, and I was still not talking.

"I needed my charger..He wasn't supposed to be there." I was upset with myself more than Louis could ever be, I was dumb. I shouldn't have gone back there, I should've came back here, used one of their chargers. All this stupid shit was over a charger.

"Did he hurt you?" Louis' voice was angry, I could feel him tensing up the longer I took to reply.

"You don't really care," I turned towards him, he looked more hurt than pissed off, "you just feel bad for me. You don't have to pretend like I matter. In a couple of days all this shit will be in the back of your mind and you'll move on with your life and I'll just be stuck here. Forever." Tears were practically begging to be released against my already tear soaked skin, Louis became clearly pissed off as he fought to keep his voice down, "None of that is true. Why won't you answer me, did he fucking hurt you?" 

"In more ways than you can imagine." I snapped back, bitchier than I had intended.

He kept quiet as his expression quickly changed to horror like he was being shown everything that happened. I turned away from him and stared up at the plain white ceiling, "Why does it matter?" I was becoming frustrated with myself for letting Alex get to me, after all the shit that's happened these past few days Louis has showed he does care for me; but nothing seems right now, nothing is right. Louis had positioned himself on all fours over me; his legs on either side of mine and his hands on the pillow next to my head as if him being over top of me would force me to look at him. I turned away, truly unable to look at him knowing that I had discovered my actual feelings towards him which were in no way mutual. It literally pained me to look him in the eyes after what had just happened, I'm dumb for not thinking about it, for not walking the other way.

Tears were beginning to well in my eyes when he finally spoke, his voice hardly a whisper, "What..what did he do?" I didn't know what to say, I didn't want to talk about it, I didn't want to think about it. He turned my head, forcing me to look him in the eyes, his eyes were still red from crying earlier and he didn't look angry anymore, he looked-sad.

"Just forget about it. I don't matter and you don't care. It's nothing." I felt like shit, but, I didn't want to talk about it and he didn't want to hear it. 

He started to look angry again as he sat up, putting all his weight on his knees since he was still over me, "You don't get it, do you?" he was getting loud now, and he didn't seem to care, "Do you want to know why I was crying? I was crying because I thought I'd never see you again. I was afraid you went back there and he wouldn't let you go or worse. I care, a lot. But you can't see any of that because you keep pushing everyone away." He was practically yelling at me, and for some reason I had started to cry again.

I wasn't exactly sure why I started crying, because he actually gives a shit? Because he was right? Because I had just gotten abused in literally every way possible?

Louis rolled over to sit beside me then pulled me into his lap, bringing another sharp pain in my lower stomach.

"I'm sorry." He rubbed circles in my back as I cried into his chest, confused as to why he was apologizing, again.

"Stop saying sorry. You're not me, you haven't done anything wrong." We had both calmed down somewhat now, although I was still crying. But, on the inside I still felt like shit, I just wanted to curl into a ball and die. He stopped rubbing my back, "But I have, I didn't mean what I said."

I looked up at him, sort of pissed off. He shouldn't apologize or try to take back what he said, he was right. I do push everyone away, but can you really blame me? I sighed then climbed out of Louis' lap then out of the bed before Louis grabbed my hand, "Louis, I don't want to argue anymore-" He turned me back towards him as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

"I don't want to argue either, I wanted to kiss you." He smiled then pulled me in for what was supposed to be a quick kiss, but we got a little carried away.

He was now lying back on the bed and I was on top of him, his hands wondered around my back and eventually to my ass once or twice. One of his hands slowly made it's way up my thigh, and up my dress before I remembered what had happened and what a bloody mess that probably was. I gasped and pulled away, I felt heat rise to my cheeks as I stood back up and Louis chuckled. 

"I..uh, I need to shower." I hurried into the bathroom and locked the door behind me before Louis could say anything to me. 

I slid out of my dress and got in the shower I just stood there for 5 minutes and stared at the blood running down my legs and down the drain. I didn't know which disgusted me more, all of the blood, or the fact that I went back there and that happened. Once the water finally ran clear I dried off and went back into the room which was now dark and Louis had gotten in the bed.

Since the room was dark I didn't care much about covering up anymore, and he wasn't moving around so he must've fallen asleep already. I walked to the chair in the corner that had my bag on it, letting the towel fall to the ground as I grabbed a pair of shorts and a baggy shirt. The insides of my thighs were throbbing and the sharp pain returned when I bent down to put the shorts on, if Louis wasn't sleeping I probably would've cried out in pain. 

I finally climbed into bed next to Louis, carefully scooting closer afraid if I moved the wrong way I'd scream out in pain. He pulled me into his chest and kissed the top of my head as I closed my eyes he laughed then whispered, 

"Thanks for the show."


	10. Chapter 10

*Caitlin's P.O.V*

When I finally woke up, I was still snuggled into Louis' chest and I was in more pain than last night. I didn't even consider moving to check the time or go to the bathroom since I'd probably cry out in pain. Louis began moving to get more comfortable before hugging me closer and letting out a sigh,

"Concert's tonight."

My heart literally ached, this is the last day I'm able to spend with him.

The room was filled with a depressing silence, you could almost feel how upset I was, how upset we were. I didn't say anything, I just buried my face into his chest as he spoke again, changing the subject.

"I'm guessing you didn't mean for me to see you naked." He laughed as my face turned an obvious shade of pink as he got out of the bed and headed towards the bathroom. He turned back to me with a smile, "I wasn't complaining, Caitlin." He winked then shut the door, I had a mix of pain and butterflies in the pit of my stomach and I couldn't help but smile. He was actually really fucking adorable.

The pain was becoming unbearable, I was needed to set things up for the concert so I couldn't just waste away in the bed all day, but I physically could not move. Louis had come back out of the bathroom with that cute grin still spread across his face until he had noticed that I was basically curled into a ball cringing with every other breath I took.

"Are you okay? Do you need anything?" Louis sat down on the bed next to me, I wasn't ready to tell him what had happened, I wasn't even ready to accept it. So I lied.

"Yeah, just a bad headache. Do you have any pain pills?" I smiled up at him but I don't think he was falling for my little white lie, he didn't question it. He went out into the other room, I heard a lot of laughing and talking but I couldn't make out anything but, "rough" and "sex". Whatever they were talking about, Louis didn't seem too thrilled to take part in it when he walked back in the room shaking his head. He handed me a white pill bottle then began to walk back out the room.

"Where are you going?" Despite the horrible, throbbing pain I sat up and took two of the pills as he turned back around.

"Since you're feeling a bit ill I thought you'd want to sleep more, it's only 9." He turned to keep walking towards the door, but honestly I didn't want to be alone or sleep more. I wanted to be with him.

"Louis. Get your ass back in this bed and lay with me." I was actually smiling like a mad man at this point, but I didn't really care.

He closed the bedroom door then walked back to the bed with a smile almost as big as mine when he slid in the bed and pulled me on top of him so I was now straddling him. The pain in my lower half was getting more bearable, but right now I didn't care. He smiled up at me as he ran his hands up my thighs and to my hips.

"What are you doing?" I raised an eyebrow and tried my best not to smile back at him, but that was nearly impossible.

"I wanted to kiss you again. And I like it when you're on top." He winked at me again and I just grinned at him.

"Someone's pretty flirty this morning." I laughed and tried to roll over to lay next to him, but instead he sat up and pulled me closer to him. He pressed his lips gently against mine like he was unsure if he had my permission for all this, but we both knew he had it. I grabbed handfuls of his hair, pulling him close and kissing him hard. Speaking of hard, I could feel his erection through his shorts and on my inner thigh; from what I felt, he was bigger than I thought. Things began to get heated again, the pain was thankfully dying down as Louis' hands had found their way to my ass again then slowly back up my inner thigh like the previous night. I didn't pull away with an actual reason this time, instead I let him continue. He laid back, his hand still resting on my inner thigh as mine began to wonder his torso and play with his hair. He inched his hand cautiously higher up my thigh then began gently rubbing me from the outside of my shorts.

I let out a soft moan against his lips which made him smile, asshole.

He began to push my shorts to the side when someone knocked on the door. I quickly rolled over next to him before Zayn poked his head through the door, "We're getting breakfast... I was going to ask if you wanted anything but I see you're already pretty busy."

I had no idea what that was supposed to mean, did he say that because of my tomato red face? Or had he knocked after he opened the door? Maybe he could see Louis' erection through his shorts too; either way he scared the shit out of me. He laughed then closed the door, I climbed out of the bed and looked over at the alarm clock. It was hardly past nine o'clock and I was not in the mood to go to work in a couple of hours. Despite how much I wanted to continue what we were just doing, I'm actually glad it didn't keep going. If it did, I would've gotten attached like I always do and that's not a good idea right now considering the fact that he was leaving tomorrow and we'd most likely never talk again.

Louis hadn't questioned me where I was going as I walked into the bathroom, the closer it got to noon the sadder I seemed to get. I showered and laid in the bed with Louis until 11:30; the pain in between my legs was getting stronger again but it was nothing compared to the pain in my chest from thinking about never seeing Louis again and having to go back to that apartment.

The rest of the day went by fast, the boys were excited for the concert but I was actually really upset; I know I'm probably just crazy but I swear Louis looked sad too. Maybe it's just my imagination, I want him to feel upset about leaving but he won't. I was just here to help them with their concert, nothing more; or was I just telling myself that? It was almost time for them to go on, I wasn't exactly sure if the plan I had been considering all day would actually work but I was running out of time to come up with any other choices.

Before they went on I hugged Louis and kissed his cheek, he smiled-completely clueless as to what was about to happen. I smiled back at him before he went on the stage, I ignored the horrible feeling flowing through me as I checked on everything; the lights and microphones all the technical shit, before I was no longer needed. 

*Louis' P.O.V.*

The concert was a lot of fun, but I felt pretty damn sad that I had to leave Caitlin all alone here, I was worried about what would happen to her; would she finally leave Alex? Or go back to getting the shit beat out of her every other day? 

We walked back to our dressing room, my heart dropped when I saw it was empty. I quickly walked around backstage, unable to find her anywhere and I actually wanted to cry. I asked around, nobody knew where she was, until I found her boss.

"She finished everything she needed to do, she went home." His last three words made my heart sink. But I had a small amount of hope she was back at the hotel.

I didn't bother telling the boys that I was leaving or where I was going, I just got in the car and left.

When I had finally made it all the way up to our floor and into our room, I wasn't happy when I saw the bedroom we had shared was empty, her things were gone and all that was left in the chair her bag had been occupying, was a single piece of paper. I picked it up and sat down on the bed.

I'm sorry, Louis.

I'm sorry if I worried you when you saw I left but I promise I'm fine. I'm not staying in New York much longer, I asked one of your guards to come back with me to my place to get the rest of my things in case Alex was there. I was actually offered a job somewhere else a few weeks ago, I decided the right thing to do was take it and leave Alex behind. Thank you for helping me out. Thank you for being there. It actually really fucking hurt thinking about having to say good bye to you guys, you're the only friends I have but you're going back home and you guys will forget about all this shit; I left so I wouldn't get too attached, but it's too late for that. 

I hope you have a safe flight back home, tell the others I say good bye.

Love,

Caitlin

My salted tears ran down my face and stung my chapped lips, I was pissed off; but I felt really fucking sad. I was glad she was leaving Alex but the least she could do was say bye. We had grown close in the past few days she couldn't just leave. She meant a lot to me and it was frustrating that she thought so poorly of herself, that she thought I'd just forget about her. I had developed feelings for her, did she not know that? Should I have told her what was on my mind? It's too late for all that now, she's going to some random ass state, I'd be lucky if she replied to any texts. But what if she does, what if I tell her how I feel?

What if it's not too late?


	11. Chapter 11

In the past couple of weeks Caitlin's life seemed to be turning around; she pressed charges against Alex so he was now not allowed near her while their trial remained on hold, she moved away like she said she would and took the job in the "random ass state". She had a new apartment in a new town, she had the chance to start to over in Los Angeles without fear of going home, but she didn't want to start over by herself.

She wanted to start over with Louis.

But it was too late for that now, she pushed him away. She ignored his calls and texts, and she didn't do much when she wasn't working, she wasted away in the bed thinking about how wonderful it would be for her to be cuddled into Louis' warm chest instead of her light green duvet. But she didn't believe she was meant to be happy, she was only good at pushing people away or being pushed down the stairs.

As for Louis, he was good at hiding how he felt, he still smiled in interviews and pictures but he missed her. He wanted to hold her close in bed while the faint smell of perfume that still lingered on her neck, made his head spin. He wanted her to walk around his apartment in his shirt and nothing under it. Most of all, he wanted her to be strong and move on from Alex but he had no way of making sure she was alright since she had ignored every text and every call. He wanted her to be happy, sure.

But he wanted Caitlin to be happy because of him.

When he wasn't busy being in the world's biggest boy band he didn't do much but think of her. He did most days, hell he thought of her everyday. They grew so close in such a small amount of time it was hard for them not to get attached to each other, even though neither one of them would admit it.

Interviewers would always fit relationship questions in, which made his heart ache. He wanted to have something with Caitlin and be able to tell everyone how amazing she was, how much she meant to him. He wanted to show her off to the world, but he wanted her all to himself. He still had her smile stuck in the back of his mind, it was pretty much the only thing keeping him from going insane. He never thought he could care for someone the way he cared for Caitlin, he felt pretty odd that he missed her so much when a few weeks ago, he didn't even know who she was. But she opened up to him, showed him a side of her nobody else had really seen, they had a unique friendship but neither one of them wanted to be just friends.

There wasn't much either one of them could do but remember the week they shared, they were too lost in remembering to really do anything about it. Louis couldn't just fly back to the states and try to find her and she couldn't just move all the way to London for a boy she had just met. Things were becoming more complicated and she was pushing him further away.

Caitlin just wanted to spend time with him again like they did before the concert, the nights they spent together in silence, as close as possible. She wondered what it'd be like if they were a couple, if they shared the same bed and went out on dates or had movie nights with the rest of the boys, and if she wore his shirts to bed when he was away on tour because she missed him so much and the late night face time and phone calls just weren't enough to satisfy her.

Louis wondered much of the same things; he wondered what their weekends at home would be like when neither one of them had plans and they spent literally all weekend just laying in bed talking about nothing in particular as she traced shapes with her fingers across his bare chest while her head laid right above his heart so she could hear his heart beat and her cheeks would turn a rosy color every time she laughed and his heart beat quickened because she knew that was from her.

Neither one of them ever thought they were in love with the other, but they certainly wanted each other more than the ocean waves craved the moon. They refused to tell each other how they felt or realize how strong their feelings for one another truly were although they desperately needed to.

Caitlin often thought what would happen if she replied to one of his messages, if things would pick back up or go further; but that's what she was afraid of, what if she fucked up again?

All they did was over think and wonder "what if" instead of actually trying to do anything about it. But that all changed when Caitln's new boss requested her to go along on a business trip to brief another branch of employees that were transferring to LA. But the thing about the business trip that really caught her eye, was that she'd be spending 2 weeks in London. When she agreed to go to London she was half tempted to text Louis about it, but she didn't.

Instead, she just sent him a simple, "Hey." and they started texting regularly any chance they got in that week, she never did tell him she was going to be there for 2 weeks and her plane left that Friday afternoon. Maybe she was hoping she'd run into him and surprise them both, or maybe she just didn't want him to know. She hated the fact that she was so attached to him and he wasn't hers, that's all she really wanted; to have him.

After she had packed all her things and reviewed what had to be reviewed for the briefing and drove to the airport then got on that plane for so damn long, she couldn't stop thinking about him. So she just said, "Fuck it." and as her plane finally landed, she texted him.

"I'm in London."


	12. Chapter 12

*Caitlin's P.O.V.*

I hadn't really begun to panic until I had already settled into my hotel room and I hadn't heard from Louis in the past 3 hours. What if he didn't want to see me again? I wouldn't really blame him, I left without a word and ignored him for weeks. But he talked to me after all that which means I still have a shot at something with him, right? But I'm scared. Beyond scared actually.

I had finally given up on him texting me back since it was around 4am now, but I couldn't do anything other than look at my phone since jet lag had gotten the best of me. I was wide awake and thinking way too much about how much Louis could possibly hate me on a scale from 1-10. It had started at a strong 4 until the little voice in my head repeatedly told me how big of a bitch I was for ignoring him then showing up in London with no warning so now I was at 8. But, I couldn't decide if the scale was of how much Louis could hate me or if it was actually how much I hate myself, either way the voice was right. I am a bitch, and me telling him I'm here was probably a huge mistake.

 

*Louis' P.O.V.*

It was hardly 4 in the morning, my mind was all over the place making it completely impossible for me to get any sort of sleep. Was she really here, in London or is she just fucking with me? She had no problem leaving without a word and ignoring me for weeks, I understand her situation at home wasn't the best but I could've helped, I wanted to help. I stared at her message wanting to reply, but it wasn't worth it right now. I wanted to see her, I needed to see her; but nothing could possibly change while she's here. I thought too much about her and wanted too much with her that when my dreams were crushed by reality, my heart went along with it.

 

*Caitlin's P.O.V.*

I had some time on my hands since the briefing wasn't until after Christmas so I went exploring after I had finally woken up some time after 1pm. I tried my best to distract myself from my thoughts since all they were screaming at me was Louis over and over again. I wondered around from store to store completely lost in my thoughts and my body set on auto pilot; when I finally came out of the clouds I had made it several blocks down the road from where I last remembered and was headed towards a park. I sat down on the first empty bench I saw and let my thoughts finally take me over- I had secretly been hoping I would bump into him on the street but this city is much too big to find just one person who would probably be avoiding me at all costs anyways. I felt pretty shitty for what I had done to Louis but it was for our own good; I'm a mess and he doesn't need someone like me to bother with he should have someone who doesn't flinch when someone goes in for a hug or wakes up crying in the middle of the night afraid that the man in her nightmares had found her again. He should have someone who isn't a royal fuck up like I am, he deserves the very best and I wish I could be that girl but I don't see anyone being happy when they're with me.

After an hour of putting myself down and convincing myself even further that I was incapable for anyone to love- I headed back towards my hotel half certain I knew where I was going. When I finally found it after 20 minutes of walking around aimlessly, I made my way up to my room and into the bed sighing as my body fell against the mess of pillows and sheets. I grabbed my phone off the bedside table to check my email but there was something on the lock screen that made my stomach drop,

A message from Louis.

I should be happy that he even replied after my last message but I had an awful feeling that it would something awful like he doesn't want to see me or to keep away from him. But it wasn't anything like that, I was relieved when all he wrote back was, "What for?"

I kept the answer as simple as his question and told him it was for business, I left out the part where I so desperately wanted to see him, and how I ached to trace his lips with mine again. Things between us could never go back to the way they were in New York although I wish we could start over in a different city for example the one we were in now. But I'm scared, I'm scared if I tell him exactly how much I miss him and much I think about him everyday that he'll reply with something completely awful like he doesn't miss me at all, or that I've never once crossed his mind.

*Louis' P.O.V.*

"Business."

What does that even mean? What business could she possibly have here? More importantly why am I questioning the fact that she's in the same city I am again? We're in the same area and I'm not even trying to find her? My mind is screaming to ask her where she is and tell her what a mess my head has been since she left me a dumb note saying bye. I just want to hold her again, kiss her again, see her again. But my body refuses to do any of those things, she left with no problem so she could easily do it again-leaving me alone with a million questions and no answers. I didn't except her to come back home with me, but I wanted a proper good bye so I could memorize the way it felt to hug her, the way her lips felt on mine, the feeling I had when she ran her hand through my hair. The only thing I have carved into my brain is the night I didn't get to say bye to her, when she completely walked away and didn't even let me tell her bye and how much I would miss her. Instead I'm stuck. Stuck with the awful thought of how little I could actually mean to her to be able to do that. Stuck worried how much abuse she had to go through after everything was "said and done", she said she was leaving him but what if he wouldn't let her, what if he's here with her?

What if...


	13. Chapter 13

*Caitlin's P.O.V.*

I had spent the past couple of days lost in thought in my hotel room; after all I was in an unfamiliar place full of unfamiliar faces and the only faces I knew were nowhere to be found. Louis' birthday is tomorrow and I plan on celebrating it alone at a pub followed by some take out as I do with my own. Since Louis has yet to speak to me I've decided I will drink enough for the both of us and hopefully get drunk enough that my blood will turn to whiskey and the memories of New York will fade off into the stars for the night. If I can't have him with me, I don't want him in my head the thoughts are nowhere near enough for me and it pains me to think how much he could hate me right now. I might start his birthday early. I decided a new outfit was needed for my party of one so I ventured off out in the cold wondering around, still hoping I would eventually run into him.

I spent the rest of the day dragging myself around the city trying to convince myself that I was out shopping when I was actually hoping I would bump into someone I knew.

Then I did.

"Caitlin? Wow. What're you doing here? Louis didn't tell us you were here!" Liam was smiling awfully big just to have run into little ol' me. He asked me what felt like a million questions mainly about me and Louis; why we didn't talk much, what happened in New York since Louis would hardly even talk about me, how upset he's seemed the past few weeks after everything and if I was going to do anything to fix it. But I couldn't. I don't know how to fix it, if I saw him right now I would probably start crying and try to tell him how sorry I was for not saying bye like I should have. But I would probably end up choking on my tears and he'd be too pissed off to give me CPR so I would die there, from choking. On tears. Pathetic. But highly possible.

I didn't really answer any of his questions regarding his blue eyed pal and I, it was hard to even come up with an explanation for myself let alone Liam. I avoided his questions the best I could until he finally cut me off.

"Why won't either of you tell me what is going on? Couple of children, you two. Eventually one of you will have to give in and tell us what the deal is." Liam nudged me and playfully batted his eyelashes like it would make me tell him anything. So I kept it sweet and simple.

"He's done a lot for me, we got close and I fucked it up. End of story." I stared off any where but to the left of me on the bench so I didn't have to make eye contact and get asked any more questions but I could feel his eyes burning into my left cheek. I sighed and told him everything. From my living conditions to the fight in the apartment to the "situation" on my short visit back home and everything that happened between us in that hotel bedroom. Even the part where he saw me naked and was half hard when we were making out. But Zayn probably told everyone that already. I didn't want us to get close the way we did, fuck that's a lie. Of course I wanted us like that, but my life is too much of a mess for anyone else to handle, I can hardly handle it.

"Maybe you should let him help clean up the mess." I looked up at Liam, confused as to how he could say that like it was so simple.

"How could he help clean it, when I''ve locked the only broom in a closet?" I almost wanted to laugh at how clever that was but now was not the time, I'll laugh to myself when I'm alone.

"Let him buy a vacuum." Liam tried not to smile, he thought he was as clever as me, funny.

All this code talk was confusing as hell, but I understood. Long message short: stop being a huge twat and just let him look after you.

After roughly an hour of talking about everything that boy wanted to know we went out separate ways and I continued on my search for a decent outfit that didn't scream, "I'm pathetic and sad please buy me a drink, or five." Although it was December I decided on a cute ass dress red of course because, ho ho ho. And to look less like a crazy tramp wearing a short fuck me dress while there's snow on the ground, I bought stockings to look some what civil and a pea coat to hide the trampy dress from the cold air and creepy men in dark alleyways. I wondered around aimlessly until I found my hotel once again and laid in the bed, still thinking of the one damn thing I can't get out of my head.

*Louis' P.O.V.*

I sat back down on Zayn's couch as his front door opened and Liam sang, "Honey I'm home!" before closing the door. He walked in front of the TV Zayn and Niall were playing FIFA on which caused some cussing from Niall and a winning goal for Zayn. Harry and Liam laughed while Zayn cheered and danced around like a loon. As Liam walked into the kitchen he yelled back to me, "Oh, Louis I ran into Caitlin a bit ago! How come you didn't tell us she was here?" My heart sank and fluttered all at the same time. Zayn paused the game and the 3 of them stared at me until I finally looked up, "Yeah how come you didn't tell us! Get her over here so she can beat Niall at FIFA." Zayn laughed and Niall just called him an ass before joining him. I shrugged and played with my thumb, she wasn't just fucking with me, she's actually here. Shit. She's actually here, what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to ring her and talk about what happened? Forgive and forget? Yeah, right.

"No no boys, mommy and daddy aren't talking right now." Liam laughed walking back into the room with a bag of chips and sat down next to me on the love seat. I turned to him giving him the sort of look that clearly says, "how the hell do you what is going on between us." The others all turned towards Liam like kids waiting for their bedtime story, suddenly interested in something other than their game.

"We talked for a bit, caught up. She's here for business so she says, but I think she's also here for something else." He winked at me and the four of them sang a chorus of oooo's like schoolkids and laughed like it was a sort of joke, but I wasn't laughing.

"Yeah we talk some, I know she's here for business. Big deal." They stopped laughing and looked at me again which was starting to piss me off.

"Big deal? Lou, a few weeks ago you were crazy about her.. what the hell happened since then?" Zayn spoke as the others nodded in agreement, aside from Liam. He knew something, I want to ask what she said but I need to stop caring. I need to get her the fuck off my mind. But I can't.

"Let's move on for now boys! Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and someone's birthday we gotta get something together!" Liam tries to distract everyone, but she was still on my mind. She never left my mind.

 

*Caitlin's P.O.V.*

I woke up again way after noon, some where near 3. I groaned and got out of the bed, Christmas Eve in a foreign country with no one doesn't sound appealing, but the bar down the road is calling my name. I killed time until 8 trying my best not to pick up my phone and call Louis to tell him happy birthday and throw in a, "I miss you like crazy I'm sorry I'm a huge bitch." I reluctantly left the hotel and wondered down the street in the freezing cold to a pub, I sat myself on a chilly bar stool away from everyone else and ordered a pint, or two. Maybe three. I even made my own drinking game; every time I thought of Louis I had to take a drink, needless to say I was going to be somewhere near shitfaced very soon. Maybe I'll drink enough to finally get him off my mind.

*Louis' P.O.V.*

All my closest friends and family were crowded around my flat and having what looked like a good time, I tried my best to blend in but of course the lads and my mum knew I wasn't myself, the more they stared and ask if I was ok the more pissed off I got. I had already drank more than Niall, that Irish bastard, and I still couldn't stop thinking of her. My head needed to be cleared and the air in here was too polluted with cheap perfume and laughs. I walked out to the balcony into the snow and away from the noise, which didn't stop everyone from bugging me and asking what was wrong. If only they knew. I slipped away from the "party" I wasn't needed anymore, we had already celebrated had the cake and I pretended everything was well and normal for 5 or so hours. It was somewhere around 11 and I had no idea where the hell I was going I just needed her off my mind. I ended up near a pub which sounded great right now, maybe I could try to drown her out of my thoughts again. I made my way inside adjusting to the temperature change and sat down a few stools from a girl on the end who had long brown hair draped over her shoulder and covering the side of her face closest to me with several empty glasses in front of her. I ordered a drink and stared off at the TV on the wall.

*Caitlin's P.O.V.*

"A pint of whatever you got."

My heart sank and I kinda wanted to throw up. That voice. That voice that I've been dying to here again was now just a few feet from my reach and I wanted so badly to look at him but I was far too gone in this beer and too close to crying to look in those beautiful eyes right now. But I turned to him anyway.

"I'm sorry." I managed to say without completely losing myself, I saw his eyes get big then wondered off to the other side of the bar as he took his drink from the tall man behind the counter. I forced myself a seat closer to him, "Louis, I-I really am sorry. Please talk to me I ju-" He finally turned towards me, cutting me off with harsh words, "Why should I talk to you now when you wouldn't talk to me for weeks, Caitlin?" He was pissed off and drunk, and I was pretty turned on even though he's mad at me. He clearly wanted some answers, he deserved them even though my dumb ass couldn't find the right words, but I tried.

"Louis, I missed you like crazy; but I didn't want you to get caught up in my bullshit and drag you down with me. I've never been good at good bye's and this one was too much for me to handle." The alcohol in my system had taken over and now I couldn't stop myself from telling him everything I had been keeping to myself. He looked up from his near empty glass and his gorgeous blue eyes looked into my dumb brown ones,

"It doesn't matter if it was too much for you to handle. Just fucking running off without a word doesn't fix anything, if anything it makes a bigger mess. Your sorry doesn't fix anything either. And for the record," He finished off his drink and brought his eyes back up to mine, "I missed you way fucking more than you could've imagined." We stared at each other for a while, what felt like ever. I didn't know what else to say I was sort of relieved that he missed me too. He spoke again, "Walk with me."

Before I could answer he paid off both our tabs and pulled me back out into the cold, I struggled to put my coat back on and Louis wasn't much help since he had probably had more to drink than I did. I pointed in the direction my hotel was in, he turned around and walked down the sidewalk with out any questions.

"Happy Birthday, by the way." I walked a few steps behind, too scared to walk next to him, afriad he didn't want to be too close to me.

"You don't get to tell me that." He shook his head, put his hands in his coat pockets and walked a bit slower. I was confused but before I could ask why, he continued, "I've been miserable. I haven't been able to get you off my mind I can't even enjoy my damn birthday because I wanted to spend it with you but you just show up here no warning or anything, you were too busy being selfish and not giving a shit about how I felt. You didn't even bother answering my texts and calls so I could know how you were and where you were at and most of all, if you were okay." He never turned back to look at me which I'm glad he didn't, I would've burst into tears if he looked at me right now. I swallowed the lump in my throat and let my drunk thoughts take over again,

"Well I'm not okay, Louis. I was fucking miserable too, you know. I didn't want things to happen the way they did but I also didn't want Alex in my bed every damn night or force himself inside me that night but I guess you can't have everything you fucking want. I wasn't being selfish, I was trying to save you from falling into my world of bullshit and chaos there's only enough room for one miserable person and that person is me. I wanted to talk to you but what was the point? We had something in New York and I wanted it to be something more but you're big and famous and I'm a nobody on the run from my insane abusive asshole ex boyfriend. We can't have everything we want, and that's just the way it is so can you stop making me feel even more like shit than I make myself feel every day?" I was now yelling and my face was cold and tear soaked. I stopped outside my hotel and stared at my feet, then Louis took a step closer so the tips of our shoes were touching. He leaned down to my ear and whispered something that made my insides flutter and brain explode,

"I know we can't have every thing we want, but there's one thing on the top of my list I want more than anything, something that I won't stop trying for until I have it. And that something is you."

Me. He wants me, more than anything? Like anything in the whole entire world? He could have the entire fucking world and he only wants me? My face was on fire and right now I wish I was engulfed in flames, it was freezing and this fucker makes me feel a way I've never felt before. I looked up at him even though I wanted to run inside tell him I'm not worth it and lock myself in my hotel room. He said something that made me want to punch myself in the face, "You may be 'on the run', but you're not a nobody, not to me at least." I just stared at his lips while he spoke and wished he'd shut the hell up and just fucking kiss me. He was hesitate about it, like he didn't think I wanted to take off all his clothes and have crazy drunk make up sex in the snow, which I did but hey drunk making out works too. I miss those lips more than anything and he's teasing me being this close to me and not sharing them with me. So I fixed the space in between us, I pressed my lips to his and my mind was racing, I missed this feeling. I ran my fingers through his hair holy shit, I've missed this. His hands ventured around my back until he decided my ass was an appropriate place to leave them. We stopped, gasping for the cool air around us and just stared at each other before I grabbed his hand and pulled him inside the building and into the elevator to my room. Before we had reached my floor we were back to sloppy drunk kissing and trying to find a place for our hands, thankfully nobody was around but if there are any cameras in this hall, security is getting a little christmas present. I fumbled with my room key hardly sliding it through the thing on door, I refused not to taste Louis for even another second. 

We finally made it into the room and closed the door as he pushed me up against it, kissing my neck as he took off my coat and threw it onto the floor as I did the same with his. We some how made it into the bedroom, I laid back on the bed and he leaned over me and stopped for a moment.

"God, you're so fucking beautiful."

Wow. Like WOW. I can't remember the last time a boy has ever said that to me, or ever actually meant it. My heart jumped out of my chest and I couldn't do anything but smile at him. He smiled back and shit, pictures on the internet do the real deal no justice. He kissed my neck again in between kisses he spoke again, "I can't tell you how much I've missed that smile." Maybe we should get mad and drunk more often if this is what it leads to. I pulled his sweater off his body and threw it on the floor as our lips met again. He tore off the stockings I had literally just bought, but at this point I didn't care, clearly. He sat up onn the bed as I did the same, never wanting to take my lips off him as I undid his belt and unzipped his pants while he did the same with my dress. All that was left on was whatever we had on underneath and the rest of our clothes were thrown carelessly around the room. We sure do like hotel rooms. Louis kissed down my neck, to my chest then my stomach and to my inner thigh. He teased the fuck out of me and sure did enjoy it, I was far too intoxicated and horny to have time for games. He got closer and closer to the thin piece of lace you would call a thong before I finally begged, "Louis, for Christ's Sake stop fucking around." He laughed and pushed the lace to the side, planted one small kiss before a few gentle strokes of the tongue and returning back up to my neck; what a tease. He unhooked my bra and threw it as I reached down to feel him outside his boxers which made him exhale with a soft but deep moan, shit he was bigger than that day I felt it on my leg. "I see someone else likes to tease." He winked and let out another quiet moan before pulling my underwear off and teasing me in the same way. I bit my lip and tugged at his boxers, he grabbed my hands and held them over my head then pulled his own underwear off and looked me in the eyes like he was asking for permission which by this point was nowhere near a question anymore. He let go of my hands and rested his on either side of my head, still waiting for an answer. I leaned up and kissed his neck before he laid me back down and placed a few more drunk kisses on my neck and slid into me which caused us both to gasp with pleasure. He thrusted slowly three or four times before I pulled the upper part of his body into me almost begging him to go faster. He got the message and was now moving faster and harder leaving more drunk kisses over my neck as I left some hickeys on his and dug my nails into his back before letting out another soft moan. He smiled almost satisfied with himself as I laid my head back and the headboard hit the wall a few times; we switched positions, he was now sitting up and I was on top of him. He left kisses on my chest and grabbed me by the hips moving me up and down on him as he let out another moan, and laid me again on my back, trying his best to eliminate the space left between our bodies. By this point he was close to coming as was I, he thrusted harder and harder as I screamed out his name and left more scratches over his back.

He rolled over next to me as we both tried to catch our breath and just stared at each other, smiling. I moved closer and laid my head on his chest while he covered us both with the blanket and cuddled closer to me. The alcohol had now turned into nothing but sweat and the only sounds in the room was our breathing. Louis kissed the top of my head and began running his fingers up and my arm as I did the same to his chest. We had just gotten into a drunken arguement, expressed how we actually felt to each others face, had some great drunk make up birthday sex and didn't give a shit about anything we yelled about a couple hours prior. I sighed and closed my eyes, "Happy birthday, babe." Louis hugged me a bit tighter and turned off the bedside lamp, 

"It certainly turned into one."


	14. Chapter 14

*Louis' P.O.V.*  
I woke up hungover and naked in a strange bed. What a fucked up way to wake up on Christmas. I looked down to see Caitlin sound asleep and cuddled into me, our clothes were all over the floor and we were back to sharing a hotel bed. Things were better than in New York, better than I could've imagined, but it couldn't continue and we both knew that. In a couple of weeks she'd be back in whatever state she moved to and I'd be moving on to the start of another tour. I wanted to be with her more than anything but we led far too different lives in far too different places to get caught up in our feelings right now. There has to be a way for us to work this shit out.  
There's always a way.

 

*Caitlin's P.O.V.*  
My head was throbbing and my bare, sore body was pressed against another one, Louis. My stomach fluttered when I faintly recalled last night; drinks, yelling, kissing, sex. Sounds about right. I could quite literally lay in this bed forever next to this boy if it was possible, damn I wish it was possible. Things between us was somewhat how they were before, hopefully better; he hadn't left yet and we discussed things, I think. We were in the same hotel room once again and this time, minus the pounding headache, was my favorite morning waking up next to him so far.  
He shuffled around, pulled me closer and took a deep breath, "I've missed this."  
My face immediately got warm, like I was just lit on fire. And I couldn't help but smile, "Me too." We laid in the bed in almost complete silence after that, the only sound being our steady breathing.  
Nearly an hour passed before I broke the silence, "Louis, shouldn't you be out with your family?" He sighed, "Shit, yeah." then kissed the top of my head before getting up and mumbling something that sounded like, "Fuck, where are my pants.." I watched him look around the room for his pants, mostly admiring his cute little ass; it was actually the cutest little butt I've ever seen I was kind of jealous. He put on the clothes he had worn the night before, except for the shirt he couldn't find, then walked back to the bed where I was still laying and zipped his pants while looking down at me, "You should come." I stared up at him completely dumbfounded. He wanted me to spend time with him and his family after the shit I did? We haven't exactly worked it out and I didn't remember much of the words spoken last night but he doesn't seem to give a shit anymore and I didn't want to ask too many questions.

 

"Are you sure?" I sat up still staring up at him sort of worried how this whole thing would go over; "Hey mum, this is Caitlin she's great and all minus the fact that she's a huge fucking bitch and doesn't know how to say bye even though I've helped her a whole lot. She's pretty selfish, but we yelled and got drunk and had some great make up sex so it's sorta okay now. Merry Christmas." That was the nice way I saw things going.  
"Of course I'm sure." His eyebrows pulled together, like I was insane for asking such a question. I was sort of in a panic by now, I'm going to spend Christmas with Louis and his family; a bunch of strangers who are going to skin me alive if they know how awful I was to Louis. I unwillingly climbed out of the bed, my thighs ached a bit with each step I took over to my bags in the corner of the room. I searched through a bag for something to put on since I was not only slightly hungover but extremely naked. I looked back at Louis who was now sitting on the bed watching me get some what dressed, "May I help you?" I walked into the bathroom not really expecting a response, "You could start by taking that back off." He grinned at me as I shook my head, ignoring his bold request. I brushed my teeth as he walked into the bathroom behind me, watching me in the mirror which was sort of odd.

 

"Do you always brush your teeth in your...unmentionables?" He stared at my back side and licked his lips like I couldn't see him in the mirror. I finished and turned around to him, "Only when I have no idea what to wear." I walked out of the bathroom back to my bags to search through them again as I felt Louis come up behind me, "I like when you don't know what to wear." He placed his hands on my hips and kissed my neck, chills went up my spine and I was kinda turned on. All I wanted to do was put some damn clothes on and that was exactly what he didn't want. He laid back down on the bed and waited for me for finish getting dressed. "Stay at my place tonight." He was full of surprises today already and it wasn't even noon. "I can't I have work tomorrow." I put my coat on and waited for Louis to get back out of the bed but he just stared at me, "I'll take you. Just stay with me one more night, I've missed you." It was sort of insane how he was acting today but I didn't argue, I've missed him too. I put the things I needed for tomorrow in a bag which made him jump up out of the bed and grab his coat.

 

We walked back to Louis' place in the cold and even though most of my body had gone numb by the time we were several blocks away from my hotel, I didn't mind all because I had Louis' hand in mine. It was kind of insane how at ease my mind could be at just by being next to him. The cold and constant stopping for pictures with fans- along with some rude stares and remarks- didn't even bother me, all I could focus on was the way his hand felt in mine. His hand was so much bigger than mine, his palm was so warm and the bit of his knuckles that my finger tips could reach were ice cold. It was a little unfair that my hand wasn't just a bit bigger so I could warm his hand how he warmed mine. I hadn't even noticed we had made it into Louis' house until his hand left mine and I shivered as my body adjusted to the warmth. He disappeared somewhere upstairs as I set my bag on the sofa and looked around his living room; he had a large Christmas tree set up in front of a bay window with bunches of presents underneath labeled to his family and the other boys. Pictures of him and his family and awards cluttered a small book case in the corner while framed album covers were hung on the walls near the hallway leading to the stairs. I made my way up the stairs as I heard a shower turn on, I followed the sound to the room at the end of the hall. The door was cracked open and clothes were all over the floor, I poked my head in to see a slightly messy bedroom and another door cracked open inside the room where I heard Louis' mumbling a song mostly drowned out by the noise of the water. I laid back onto his bed and stared up at the ceiling still not completely sure how we had made it here. Not here as in his house here, but here. We were complete strangers that bumped into each other on the street, ended up working together, becoming close and way too involved on a personal level. I fucked up and we sorta made up. This kind of shit only happens in movies. It happened so fast yet I hardly remember my life before he became apart of it. I'm glad he did, but this can't continue, how could it continue? We're on such different paths it's insane to think we could ever end up together, but a girl can dream.  
I had fallen asleep for a few minutes, awoken by the noise of Louis searching through drawers and mumbling something that included an excessive use of the word, "fuck". No shock there. I turned over on his bed to see what on earth he was doing. His back was towards me; he was standing in nothing but a towel, his hair was still wet and there were scratches all along his toned back-oops. I was lost in thought of all the things I wanted to do to him right now that I hadn't noticed he had turned towards me until he cleared his throat. My eyes met his, he smirked at me as my face turned red and I turned over on my side to face the wall, embarrassed as hell that he caught me staring at him. But he had done the same thing in the hotel. I felt the other side of bed sink in before his mouth was against my ear, "You could've joined me babe, why waste our time just staring." It was surprising and quite arousing how dirty he's been today. He kissed my cheek then removed himself from the bed and proceeded to get dressed. I tried my best not watch but it was insanely hard not to; he pulled on a pair of nice pants which I wished were on the floor instead. He rummaged through another drawer for a shirt, another thing I wish was on the floor. I sat up and moved over to the edge of the bed, while Louis went back into the bathroom, "Louis.." I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to say to him or how to word it but I didn't think we had exactly worked everything out, how could he act as if everything is fine? "Yes, Love?" he sang back, wow he's adorable.

 

"How can you act as if nothing happened?" I heard him stop whatever he was doing, fuck.  
"What do you mean?" He walked into the door way and stared at me, completely emotionless like I had struck a nerve, because I probably did. "Just the other day you hated my guts and now, you don't I just don't get how you seem to be so over it already." I didn't look directly at him, I was honestly kind of scared how the rest of this conversation was going to play out. "I thought we were both over this. What am I supposed to do, hold onto the shit feeling I had for the past couple of weeks?" His tone was harsh, I deserved it. Maybe I shouldn't be trying to talk about such a touchy subject between us, but I wanted the air completely clear. He walked closer to me, expecting me to same something. I could feel him still staring down at me, I tried my best not to return the shitty tone, "I didn't say to do that, I just- I don't get why you forgave me like that." I looked up at him, his eyebrows were pulled together and I still found it so adorable no matter how much he probably wanted to punch me in the face right now. "I forgave you because I wanted to. We already talked about it, we were both miserable and now we're not why does it fucking matter anymore?" He yelled and made a gesture with his hands that made me flinch. He was quiet now and I refused to look at him, or anywhere for that matter. I kept my eyes shut as I pictured Alex beating me for not keeping my mouth shut and asking such dumb questions.  
I felt Louis wrap his arms around me and mumble "Fuck, I'm sorry. Shit, shit I'm so sorry." over and over again. "It's fine, Louis. Don't worry about it." My voice was shaky, I took a deep breath and tried my best not to break down and bash my head against the wall. I should really learn to just keep my mouth shut, he wanted to let bygones be bygones and I had a problem with being forgiven, I wasn't particularly used to it. He spoke softly like he didn't want me to actually hear him, "I'm going to fix what he tore apart. Even if it takes a lifetime." It's unfair how utterly perfect he truly is, and how fucked up I really am. I had broken the both of us in an effort to save us from me and he was willingly to let go of that to fix what my past had destroyed. He could warm my entire hand with his and I could hardly reach his knuckles. He could act happy enough for the both of us and I could ruin it all just by thinking out loud.

The door bell rang and Louis sighed. He kissed the top of my head and grabbed my hand, "I know you don't want to look at me right now but at least come downstairs. Please?" I gave in, mostly because I didn't want to let go of his hand. We walked down the stairs and he let go of my hand as we got to the front door to open it and greet whoever was on the other side, I didn't care too much I was just wanting for him to hold my hand again it was kind of childish how much I loved his hand in mine. He introduced me to his mom and sisters, some cousins and grandparents, and they all had the same question, "Is this your new girlfriend, Louis?" He face turned red, it was so adorable the way he rubbed the back of his neck and tried to find the right answer. I chimed in, "We don't really know what we are at the moment. But it's something... grand." I smiled at Louis and his family continued to bombard me with questions and several comments about how I had a, "cute lil accent." Eventually the other four boys and their families all crowded into the living room as well and they all greeted me with the same shocked looked and a huge hug. Liam, though, wasn't as shocked as the others. He said, "Well it's about damn time." as he hugged me and Louis.

Louis' mom and some of his cousins disappeared into the kitchen which I was quite thrilled about because I was starving. I caught up with the other boys, sort of. They mostly kept asking about me and Louis, where I've been, and if Louis was going to stop being so sad now. Everyone kept asking about me and Louis actually and if I was the reason he had been so down lately which made me feel more like shit than the whole situation between us ever had.  
We had all eventually gathered around a large table in the dining room while the younger ones were in the living room and kitchen, probably going through all the presents. Someone had passed around a couple of bottles of this expensive ass wine from somewhere in Germany that I would definitely buy if it didn't cost more than a years rent. Louis and I were next to each other but having a conversation with someone on either side of table when I felt his hand go from his leg to mine. I tried my best to ignore it until I was lost in memorizing the way his palm felt against my knee while he rubbed his thumb against the inside of my leg, teasing me. I tried to focus on the story I was being told but they had noticed I had zoned out and Louis smirked. That bastard. He moved his hand up the inside of my thigh and I was extremely worried about someone noticing the little present he was trying to give to me in the middle of dinner. I played with the food left on my plate as he played with me from outside my panties, he was enjoying himself too much. The conversation he was holding came to an end and he stared at me with the most adorable and at the moment, annoying smile. "What's the matter, babe?" I was already fairly wet when he moved my panties to the side and stuck only a finger inside me. I bit my lip and tried to avoid eye contact with him so I didn't completely lose myself in front of everyone, "Nothing, at-all. Just full." I looked around the room to see everyone else was completely engaged in their own little world as we were in our own, nobody was paying attention to us at the moment as Louis leaned in and whispered in my ear, "I can't wait for dessert." He was unbelievably naughty today, I don't know what's gotten into him but I can't deny how much I enjoy it.

 

Everyone had migrated to the living room while I grabbed my bag from the couch and walked up to Louis' room. I set it on the edge of his bed and walked back into the hallway to see Louis making his way up the stairs. "What're you doing up here?" Louis whispered and looked around to see if anyone else was up here. "I put my bag in your room, why're you up here?" I was confused with the way he was acting until he took a step closer to me and said, "Looking for you." I guess he wanted "dessert" now. "Louis, are you insane? Your friends and family are all downstairs." He kissed my neck and grabbed my ass before whispering in my ear, "Pretty please, just real quick but you have to be quiet." He smiled and kissed my neck again, he was driving me insane. He pressed himself against me, holy shit he was hard. I kissed him once as a, "yeah I guess." and next thing I knew we were in the hall bathroom struggling with his belt as he hiked up my dress and lifted me onto the sink. I pulled his pants half way down his thighs as he pushed my panties to the side and slid into me. I let out a soft moan before he covered my mouth and began sucking on my neck. My body was still slightly sore from last night but no way in hell I was going to pass up another chance at this, and this time we weren't piss drunk. We knocked things into the sink and the trash can, which only made him go faster. I moaned into his hand as he brought his mouth up to my ear, "It's a shame I have to keep ruining your dresses, but it drives me crazy when you wear them." He pulled me closer to him as he came and shushed me, if he wasn't covering my mouth the whole city would've known what we were doing up here.  
We finished up and adjusted ourselves before he kissed me once more and checked to see if anyone had come up here looking for us. He grabbed my hand and led me back downstairs, acting like we were continuing a conversation. Only a few people, including Liam, had asked where we had run off to. All Louis said to that was, "We had to discuss something." Out of all people, Liam was the only one who didn't pretend he believed us but before he had time to make a smart ass remark Louis' mom gathered us all around the tree to exchange their gifts. I'd rather go up stairs to Louis' bedroom and just go to bed rather than watch a bunch of strangers open presents, but he refused and made me follow him to the couch where there was only seat left. He sat down and before I could even think of sitting on the floor he pulled me into his lap and placed his hand on top of mine. I could feel everyone staring at us and hear them say how cute we were but aside from that, it felt like none of them were here. Slowly the presents from under the tree lessened and the room was littered with wrapping paper and bows. I was surprised when every once and a while I was handed a gift, from each of the four boys- a cute sweater, the best smelling candle I had ever smelled, a scarf and a CD from a band I had never heard of but Niall said they were "the craic" what ever the hell that means. I even got a gift from Liam's mom, it was a bit odd since we had just met. Louis' mom gasped, "No fair! How'd you know about Louis' new girlfriend before I did?" Liam's mom laughed and elbowed Liam, "This one has a big mouth." She got me the warmest and softest blanket I had probably ever seen, I wanted to curl up in it with Louis and pretend like the world didn't exist even though there was dozens of people around, oh well. The last and smallest present under the tree was black square box with a silver bow on it and no tag. "That's for Caitlin." Louis reached out and took the box from Zayn then handed it to me. I was confused, naturally; inside the box was the most expensive necklace I've ever touched it was kind of scary. "Louis," I kissed him on the cheek then continued stared at the necklace, "I can't take this, it looks pricey as hell." He took the necklace from the box and put it around my neck, "Nope. Too bad. You're going to wear it, and you're going to love it." I played with it in my fingers and stared at him, "Of course I love it, look at it." He kissed my cheek then said, "I don't need to. I've got something even better." My cheeks heated as he smiled and everyone around us awed. How did he go from being a horny animal to the cutest thing in the entire world?

 

Everyone had finally left around midnight and I was on the edge of passing out. Louis finished cleaning as I headed upstairs to his room, I sat on the bed and looked through my bag. Of course I didn't bring any pajamas from the hotel. I threw the bag on the floor and laid back on the bed as Louis came in and shut the door. "Are you really going to sleep in that?" He took off his shirt and pants before pulling a pair of shorts out of his dresser. "I forgot to bring pajamas, so looks like it." He laughed as he put his shorts on then went to his closet, he came back to me with a shirt and put it on the bed next to me. "Just wear that then." He turned off the light as I pulled my dress off and replaced it with his shirt which smelled fucking wonderful by the way. I crawled under the covers while he slide in next to me, "You know, you don't have to wear anything to bed." Even though the room was nearly pitch black I could still see him smile. I shook my head and cuddled into him, "You've been so dirty lately." He rubbed my back then rested his hand just above my ass, "I can't help it when I'm around you."


End file.
